My old secret...

When I was younger, in middle school and early high school, I always heard about eating disorders. But the way they were taught made me think they were a choice... Like you can choose to have this serious illness. Obviously, the thought of hospitalization scared me so I "chose" not to have one.

I only recently accepted that throughout my life I've been battling my body image with anorexic tendencies. For years I would starve myself, count calories, and obsess over my weight but never tell anyone. The many years I didn't eat lunch at school, people would question me, asking if I had an eating disorder. Of course not, I didn't want one so I didn't have one. Right?

I was wrong. I was wrong and I was unhealthy. I found photos of me from high school... gray skin, thin hair, boney body, scars, fake smile... I was sick and never knew it.

I was in treatment for depression, anxiety, OCD, and neurological disorders for years, I couldn't add another illness to my list.

But now I'm here, accepting my battles and learning to accept my body. I now eat when I'm hungry and I've become more honest with my past.

My takeaways from this journey are as follows:

Eating disorders are NOT a choice.

We need to improve how we teach kids about mental disorders. I could have gotten treatment earlier if I understood that disorders were about symptoms, not lifestyle choices.

It's not the body that needs to change. It's the body image.

I am not recovered but one day I will get there.

Thank you for reading. Please feel free to share your experiences and recovery tips as well as opinions on mental health education

Hang in there, lovelies 💕