To the Bridgers, update 7/8

Hi. Been a while since we talked, huh? You refuse to acknowledge me since I got pregnant. You were my best and only friend in this godforsaken place before and you know that. You dodge my texts, never call me anymore, and leave me wondering and lonely.

I don’t frankly give a shit if you choose to be there for this baby or not. Please just be aware I EASILY can get ahold of your wife. I could ruin your perfect little life in an instant. I don’t think you even realize. The kids you already have? The house you couldn’t afford on your own? Three dogs? The badass truck? All of it. All of that could be gone and I could do it. All I would have to do is tell her. But I’m not going to. Not yet, at least. I love you and don’t want to ruin your life. I’ll give you some more time to process this. I know it isn’t easy. But also please realize you aren’t the one carrying a friend’s baby. You don’t necessarily have to be affected by this. We could agree to pretend it never happened. But the discussion needs to be had first. It really feels like you’re being more of a baby here than the baby I’m growing. Just. SO immature. As much of a wonderful friend as you can be, you’re just as much a piece of shit on the other side. I hate this part of you. Call me back, you ass.

No, honey, I’m not expecting anything out of you. Not money, not commitment, not effort, not special treatment, not an apology or excuse for why you didn’t god damn pull out. I don’t want or need anything from you.

I do hope I’ll have enough self control to never sleep with you again. We both know how we feel but it was a mistake. I don’t regret this pregnancy- but I regret you. You were too good to me that night. My favorite whiskey, a stunning view over the city from practically a mountain top, the way you looked at me. The moonlit path leading back into the twisting trails in the mountain range. You reaching for my hand so I wouldn’t trip on the rock, and then not letting go. That shitty grin you gave me when I rolled my eyes at you. How appreciative your hug felt. This is all why I didn’t tell you no at first when I felt your fingers start to trail down my sides. It felt good. I trust you with a lot more than I probably should. Your hands on my hips, gently squeezing, isn’t a feeling I should know. It was all downhill from that kiss. Leading me back down to the truck, and then pinning me up against the side, whispering in my ear asking how I wanted to do this since there was somebody else in the parking lot. I opened the driver’s door, grinning, and said “Get in.” We laughed the whole time about what a show we were putting on for those two people in the other truck. Before I realized it, you’d slowed down, and I felt something drip. It didn’t bother me too much at the time because I forgot I was supposed to ovulate in a day or two.

Honey, you can’t dodge me forever. I’m gonna get your schedule pinned down sooner or later and just saying, you definitely do not want me to get to you before you agree to meet up with me. We have a lot to talk about and you know it. This mix of hate and love isn’t fun and I’m sure you feel the same right about now. I’m currently six weeks and three days. I’ll give you until my first ultrasound. Tick tock.

Love,

Mountain mist

Always clouding your judgement

UPDATE 7/8:

Y’all, he’s texting me every other day or so now. It sounds like he wants to hook up again and it pisses me off so bad I wanna scream. I haven’t seen him in weeks and weeks - since the baby was conceived - and now booty is all he seems to be concerned about when he actually does talk to me. Booty and checking if I’m still pregnant.

I might lose a friend here, I’m about an inch away from flinging the whole gas can onto that bridge and torching it.