I know I must sound crazy asking this question, but I don't want to be that girl that cries abuse when it's just not the case. My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years. We have two beautiful babies, a one and a half year old and a two month old. We never fought with each other until I had my daughter, our first. First it just started as yelling and petty arguments, then when she was about four to five months old, the fights became him yelling and throwing things, saying he was taking our daughter from me, that I was delusional, that he does love me but he is done with me. It always resulted in me crying and leaving and as soon as I walk out the door, he cries and begs me to stay. He started calling me a bitch in front of our friends, he made me look and feel stupid. I finally found out that I was pregnant with our son when our daughter was about 6 months old. He said he would change and we would work things out, then the NEXT DAY he started bagging on me again! He wasn't happy that I was pregnant, neither was I because we weren't in a good place with each other and we were already struggling with our daughter. We decided it would be better to move out of our apartment and BACK IN with his parents. They are pillheads and are horrible people but assured my husband they were done 🙄 Anyway, we move in, our fights have now become worse. We got into it one day and he pushed me into the door while I was pregnant. He held an unloaded gun up to me and threatened me because I was taking our daughter, and he told me that I didn't deserve children. He has said so many horrible things to me 😭 We finally had a huge fight, he left and we have never been away from each other in our three years of being together but one night. He left me the day before Easter 2018. While I was pregnant and I had our daughter. He flipped out on BOTH of my parents and me and I honestly couldn't figure out why. he would just randomly blow up. I took him back, gave him an earful, and things were fine, up until he started working with my dad. My parents and I don't get along well. They are very sneaky and manipulative. Now he is starting to act just like my dad and we are going back to fighting all of the time. My biological mother and I have never been close and my husband knows the things her and I have been through and knows how much I hate her and he constantly tells me that I am just like her and that my biological parents never wanted me. I have been in counseling since I was three because of them. He uses my parents against me, he threw it up in my face when I tried to reach out to him to tell him that I had postpartum. In just this past month, he has told me to leave and pack my shit almost four times now. He told me in our last fight that he didn't love me anymore and that he didn't want to be with me because I said I wanted to go to the store by myself without the kids. First time he has ever actually said that. Just last night he kicked me and grabbed me and hit me because I grabbed our daughters diaper from him and then tried to say that I KICKED HIM FIRST and thats why he did it. He has been so horrible to me yet also so sweet sometimes. I don't know what to do. I want to leave him. I don't even think we love each other anymore, but I don't know what to do and feel like I can't leave. I have people tell me he's mentally abusive, but I don't know. Am I just really that nieve? I have become so depressed. My postpartum has become so much worse and he knows that I am trying to get better, but it seems that when I need him, he treats me like shit. I take medicine for the postpartum and he gives me crap for that because it makes me sleepy so I feel like I can't even get better. I don't know what to do 😭😭