I’m constantly exhausted, my mouth tastes terrible and I feel sick constantly, night time cramps are terrifying and I want to cry all the time.

I’m not very far along and this is my first pregnancy. My partner and I have wanted this for a long time but all of a sudden I’m struck by the enormity of everything and I’m not coping very well.

I feel like I’m letting him down all the time and he’s having to pick up the slack. He’s so happy and calm and I guess it helps that he’s older than me and has been through all this before (he has a daughter who is now 16 but sadly doesn’t get to see her any more because his ex wife is difficult).

I was referred to hospital yesterday after really bad pain because my doctor suspected ectopic pregnancy. They did a scan and baby is in the right place and we even saw a heartbeat. He was so emotional he cried. I did too.

I don’t know. The best thing has happened to us and I can’t bear to be alone with my thoughts. I’m sorry, this is such a confused ramble but I’m so mixed up and confused and I know my hormones are raging but that doesn’t make it any easier. I want to tell my Mum and Dad because I feel so lonely but my partner wants to wait til the 12 week scan as he’s pretty traditional. I have no idea how to make it through the next six weeks.

UPDATE

I’ve talked to my partner about all the really positive reasons for talking to my parents and how I need support and how it would be nice to actually celebrate (because we really haven’t yet). He says he can’t tell me why he doesn’t want to tell people, he just doesn’t. And I need to keep doing things instead of resting when I’m tired because I’m “giving in to it”. I’m so frustrated right now.