Very involved grandparents

Very long but something I wish my husband or I had the guts to tell my in laws:

My parents had 4 kids and their first grandchild when my sister turned 16, that was 17 years and 6 grandbabies ago so they never gotten to involved with advice. My in laws had 1 child, my husband, and we now have twin toddlers.

Right from the beginning it was "don't sleep on your belly, don't drink coffee, don't eat this, don't do that" I would say my pregnancy was pretty healthy for twins. After they were born it's been non stop... "he has a clogged nose at 1 day old? you should get a second... no 3rd opinion" "she's breastfeeding? they won't get enough to eat! she should give them some instant mashed potatoes in their bottle." "Shouldn't do a pacifier, it'll mess up their teeth."

Now my son is 75% and my girl is 57% in weight and I hear "you should cut back on how much you feed the boy" They are 19 months and I get "I figured they'd be potty trained by now"

we have not taken 1 piece of their crazy advice and where did it get me?? 2 happy, healthy, loving, smart babies, that's where!

I drank a cup of coffee a day while pregnant, I slept on my tummy until I could no longer, I went swimming, I ate whatever I craved, I breastfeed until I could no longer, I waited until 6 months to feed anything other than breastmilk/formula, I feed my child healthy food and occasionally treat them to a Happy meal. I didn't sleep them on their tummy at 1 month so they could sleep longer, I didn't use blanets until they were 1, swaddlers are not "not necessary and a waste of money".. we got to -19° 2 days after they came home. They are a bit spoiled, I got them more than 4 toys for Christmas and their birthday, I don't spank, I say "no" and raise my voice, maybe I'll spank when they get older...who knows. Their pediatricians (2 so far since we moved) have both said to keep doing what I'm doing. They would rather "read" books than do anything else, They hate the TV, they love the outside, the get dirty in the dirt, they laugh, they learn, they play, they share...

Please don't tell me how to do what is a natural thing. I love my babies, they are my world, I know what's best for them, I know their cries, their fears, thier favorite things, their stubbornness. So when you get mad for not following your crazy advice... just remember, they are very much loved by their parents and they would do NOTHING to put them in harms way.

My FIL is extremely controlling. Everything HAS to go his way or it's war. My husband bought the house nextdoor to them before there was a me and him..and in 1 year we will be live 100ft from them. They are very nosey and judgemental. I talked to my husband about being worried to live nextdoor to them and he has felt the same. We plan on putting the house up for sale the year we move back home. This is not them being cautious, this is them trying to control our lives. My husband is 37 and they still are able to control him... what he does, where he goes... He told me I help him stand his ground a bit more but they still control him...I see it, all he says is that he listens to them because he's an only child and feels obligated. He bought the house next to them because they were worried about getting bad neighbors.

I think they are starting to get the picture because my FIL will tell us something we NEED to do but then will come back with... do whatever you want, I don't care.

If you have made it to the end of my rant, thank you. Anyone have any advice?

I should add talking calmly about something that they are doing will result in my FIL getting upset, yelling and going to his room (like a 2y.o) and we won't hear from him for a while. My MIL is easy to talk to but she gets very insure and will think I hate her (she is no where near as bad as my FIL and I love her dearly so I don't want to hurt her feelings by bring it up. my FIL uses my MIL to pin point everything.