SIL has baby diagnosed with Downs Syndrome

First off, I’m a special needs teacher at a private school. I have roughly 15-18 students in my focus group. 7 of those happen to have Down’s syndrome.

I’m struggling with my sister in law. She is 20 weeks pregnant and found out 10 weeks ago her sweet boy has Downs. She contemplated abortion for two weeks. She decided against it because it is an IVF

baby and her other eggs didn’t make it. Completely her choice and I would not have judged her. It would have broken my heart but, not my call and I would have loved her through it.

Here’s my problem: she refers to the baby as Downs boy or little Downy. I cringe every time she does this. Downs is part of him, it is not his identity. When anyone mentions her pregnancy she says “Yes, but, it’s a Downs baby. Maybe next time we will get our real baby.” She picked a name out before they found out his diagnosis. Now they are saving that name because “he needs a plain name.” They hope to use it on their next “real” baby. 🤮

Up until now I’ve been keeping my mouth shut. Assuming they just need to work through this in their own way. It is absolutely killing me. My husband thinks his sister is working through it and will eventually be able to love him. I don’t know. I’m just worried. I know it’s probably not my place to say anything. It’s hard when my job is to empower these amazing students who break stereotypes every day. I’m just really worried that this little boy is going to be put in a box labeled ‘Downs Boy’ and told everything he can’t do.

I want to say something. Is it my place? I’ve talked to mother’s of some of my students and they said they never felt or said the things she has. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m at a loss. I just remind her of all the good things that come with having a son. She continues to bring up all the differences he will have with his extra chromosome.

I offered to adopt him. I’ve told her a bunch of stories about how wonderful my students are.

What would you do? Stay silent? Say something? I want to put her in her place.

I understand this is a world of unknown to her. It’s not for me. I don’t know if it’s my place.

Rant over. If anything it was good to finally get all of that out of my head and somewhere else.