Can I just... (worth the read☺️)

Can I just talk about how much I love my life at the moment?

Fresh out of high school I was in an very toxic, unhealthy, abusive relationship. (emotionally, verbally, and physically) The man was 7, nearly 8 years older than I was. I was young, and naive- thinking I must be something special if this older guy likes me enough to want a relationship with me. He had 2 kids from a previous relationship, and told me he wanted another. I’ve always wanted to be a mom, and being as air headed as I was at the time, I said I wanted a baby too. He was a pot head, and an alcoholic. He was crazy about sex, and would masturbate multiple times a day, his count was extremely low, looking back I’m thankful I never got pregnant with him. After the 4/5 month mark he got verbally abusive, he’d call me degrading names, make me feel like absolute crap about myself. He’d make fun of my appearance, my family.. every and anything. He’d never punch me but he did grab me so hard I’d be covered in bruises, he’d choke me until I thought I was gonna faint, i had chunks of hair ripped out. He was 26, had no job, no money, no car, lived in the back of his dads sketchy business in an office. Didn’t have a kitchen or anything. Had a porta-potty sized shower.. looking back- what was I thinking? He used me for all my money, my car.. he cheated on me, and I took him back. It lasted about 2 weeks after, one final fight I was finally able to walk away from him. (Note; I didn’t leave him sooner because of the scary threats he’d make to me and about my family if I ever left him, or told the police)

2nd relationship happened a few months afterwards. Things were great for a little while. He was my age. We moved in an apartment together, got a puppy, things were really looking up. The red flags started to show after yet another few months. Verbally he would talk down on me, make fun of me, call me such rude names. He’d abuse our puppy to the point where I’d cry so hard over it. (Ex. If she didn’t get “lay-down” within the first couple try’s he choked her and shoved her into the ground) One fight, over me not being able to cover his half of our WiFi bill because he spent it on beer and weed, he dislocated my finger (luckily our neighbor was a nurse) he dragged me around the house and gave me rugburn that I still have scars from. And shoved me into our puppy’s cage so hard it dented it. I stayed with him for a little while longer, until another fight over the same thing (except this time it was the electric bill) where he choked me and shoved me into the floor. (Note; I couldn’t leave easily because i don’t have family where I live, my mom moved back to our home state of New York after she thought I’d be safe in our apartment.

It was easier to walk away from that relationship because I knew it’d only get worse - from experience. I didn’t look back. I took my dog and moved in with an old high school friend who rented a room out in her house to me. I got a new & better job, I left retail and got in as a waitress. I got a new & better car. Annnnnd I got a new and better boyfriend. This guy was one of my last guys friends. Before you get judgey- we were actually friends in 6th grade, but he moved away, and that’s where he became friends with guy #2. Guy #2 turned out to be an extremely shitty friend to him, and they stopped being friends after he got drunk and fought my current man, he also keyd his car and popped 2 tires. After all he has done for him within their friendship, so he decided to stop being friends with him right before we broke up.

My life has never been better. I am 21, happy and healthy. My dog is now almost 2 and gorgeous, I have a job where I don’t leave with less than $200 each day I work, I have a good car, I am currently about to move into my own separate apartment with my boyfriend. We do so many fun things. His family is so lovely, so genuine. Unlike the others, he’s never talked down on them once, he has only ever put them on a pedestal. He loves my dog, and he loves me. I don’t know how I got so blessed. I am thankful for the everyday laughs until my stomach hurts, I am thankful for the night time Netflix binge watching, I am thankful for our little inside jokes. I am thankful for this new brighter chapter in my life. I am truly living on cloud 9 everyday. We are currently trying for baby #1. July will be our 5th month, if we don’t end up pregnant this cycle I’m going to be scheduling to meet with an OBGYN to see if I have anything wrong with me. If everything checks out, if we don’t end up pregnant within a few months after that, we’ll go get him checked out. I just got into my fertile week! Took an opk today but negative, I’m supposed to ovulate in 4/5 more days so fingers crossed, baby dust to everyone trying🧚‍♀️✨👶🏻

If you’ve read this far, thank you, I am thankful for you too❤️