Lost and confused

It’s been a month since my grandma has passed away. She had lung cancer and lived in the Philippines. I wasn’t able to visit her while she was sick and unfortunately I wasn’t able to make it to her funeral. She was an important person in my life since she raised me for 9 years. She was my mother figure and I loved her dearly. I guess I just feel guilty that I wasn’t able to see her. I wanted to go back there and spoil her with the money I’ve earned. I wanted to show her my accomplishments and share my stories. After she passed, it feels like I just don’t care about anything anymore. I’ve been dating my bf for almost 2 years now, but I’ve been thinking about breaking things off for a while. I just don’t know if it’s the right thing to do. I feel like I just need time for myself to figure out how I feel and accept the situation that I’ve been dealt with. I’ve just been so sad and closed off. I feel like it’s unfair to be with someone if I’m just distant.

What do you guys think I should do?