My fiance and I have a two year old son (turned two in May 2018).

In August of 2017, we broke up because of stressors we couldn’t find a resolution for (there was no infidelity, but a health trauma) - we were even in family court. It was serious.

In January 2018, after 5 months apart, we decided to try again for our son’s sake. We attended counseling. Things drastically improved. I began wearing my engagement ring again. We even started trying for another baby.

When we reunited, he told me that he had slept with another woman. I understood. We both assumed it was over. I probably would have done the same had I met anyone.

Today, he found out that woman is 8 1/2 months pregnant. She’s due at the end of July, which puts conception around October. Things were not good between us then - we were in a custody battle. He said he was fucking her for stress relief. 🙄 oh, the irony. She wasn’t going to tell him because she knew we had reunited but she ultimately thought that he should know. She’s certain that it’s his.

Our son was at his grandparents’ for the afternoon. He came home from work early, which surprised me. He sat me down and told me. I was shocked. Then furious. I called him disgusting, I called him a whore. I told him that he was white trash. That he is the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I hit him, punched him. I destroyed the blueberry bush he got me for my birthday. Chopped it into pieces with a hoe. I slammed the door so hard, it shattered one of the glass panes. I took my ring off and the only reason I didn’t throw it in the field with all my might is because it’s a really nice diamond and I can sell it. (😏furious but still thinking practically...) but I’m surprised the neighbors didn’t call the cops. My voice is hoarse from screaming obscenities like a banshee.

Anyway, I called my father and told him. And I called my most God fearing friend and told her. I needed sound advice and guidance in the midst of my fury.

I don’t want life’s disappointments to make me angry or bitter or mean.

My father said very sternly that I am not a victim. And my friend reminded me that this baby is coming soon and is pure and completely innocent. And deserves a father.

I don’t want to ever be a reason this child looks in the mirror and feels heartache.

And the truth is, this baby wasn’t conceived through infidelity. We weren’t together. However, now there is going to be another woman - and what’s more, he doesn’t even know her - they had sex a handful of times over the course of a few months. Never went on a date. Barely talked about anything of consequence. He said she had just gone through a divorce, so they were just using each other...🤷🏻‍♀️ And I would truly be lying if I said I haven’t done it myself before.

But, we actually don’t know what kind of person is now going to be involved in our lives... she seems reasonable, he says...😒

I don’t even feel all that angry at her, at this moment. She’s probably scared... embarrassed... I can’t promise that I’ll always be sympathetic but this baby is now my son’s sibling and I do believe that this child will be more a part of our lives as time goes on.

He says he’s shocked and he feels disappointed in himself. He says it was a mistake (which makes me feel sad too because I don’t want any child to feel like a “mistake” - these types of feelings really hurt children). He doesn’t want me to leave him, he wants our family to stay together, he wants to marry me and wants me to have the second baby that we were talking about before today. He says that he never had any interest in a relationship with this woman when they were sleeping together.

Just goes to show how carelessness can have serious consequences that are far reaching. My father thinks he’s a goddamn loser, of course.

I never imagined that life would present me with the difficulties that I have faced these last three years. It’s not turning out the way I envisioned as a girl but that is Life. And I am not a victim. I’ve always tried to be classy, to take personal responsibility for my failures and try to improve.

I’ve really struggled to be the woman that I want to be the last three years. The stakes are so high and I’m falling short.

But there is a baby on the way and I want to look back on my behavior with pride. Please help me.

I need advice from women who have been in a similar situation.