CD:31 / 4D Tull AF.

It has gotten to the point where I don’t try. I dontget it in my head that I could be pregnant. But I swear every couple of months SOMETHING messes with my head an makes me think “god? Could this actually be my month?” But it never is. I say to my self now “you’re not pregnant!! Stop getting your hopes up! It hurts to much now in the end when I see that stupid 1 line. You’ve been trying for 2 years and 7 months like what makes you think this month is going to be it? I haven’t felt anything different..” it’s just one STUPID f***ing thing that makes me get my hopes up. A man who apparently reads into the future that randomly met my mother told her one of her children are pregnant.. and I had been having a pain in my left ovary I’ve never had before. So this time I got my hopes up again! PG tests just F**K with my head and eyes so bad!! I just want to start the TTC experience all over again. Start fresh. And be excited about it.. I might give up next cycle and do something that makes me happy and things a pregnant woman can’t do, and then Start fresh again. F**k counting from 2 years and 7 months. I’ll start from month 1 again. Set glow from month one again. Start fresh and really change things this time an enjoy it. Probably going to get a check from the doctors also. Please pray for me! I’ll pray for you ladies too. I’m just drained from negative emotions. It hurts! I’m thinking of all yous that struggle. It sucks I know. At the end of the day all I can do is be grateful it’s not 10 years down the track. I’m so sorry for you ladies who have dealt longer than I have. I just want a baby. I’ve never been pregnant.. not once and I just want to feel pregnancy. Feel the changes! I’ll be so grateful even if I was so sick from morning sickness feeling like I’m on my death bed.. just as long as I was growing a life I’d be so damn happy! I’d do anything for my baby! I just want to have a child of my own with my partner! Is that TOOOOO much to ask for? I know god will give a baby to me in the right time but what times better than now?

I know this test is probably invalid from opening it, I just couldn’t tell if there was anything there through the plastic of the shadow in the way. I