Would you teach somebody else’s child about consent?

Question

So my cousins daughter just recently turned 4. I’m positive nobody is going to talk to her about consent since none of the family did with me, and it’s really important to me since I was abused by three different family members before I knew anything about sex or consent, and I think that’s the main reason I didn’t tell anybody. 
Her mother was actually one of the abusers.
Would it be wrong of me to talk to her about consent since she isn’t my child? And if it isn’t wrong, how do you think the conversation should go?

Accepted Answer

I would be more concerned by the fact her Mother Sexually abused you and now has kids of her own

Answer

Yes I would, especially if I see that she hasn’t been taught yet by her guardians. 
Too many disgusting things happen to children, their parent’s ego or parenting style isn’t going to prevent me from explaining these things

Answer

I would, but only in ways that come up naturally. For example, say you’re playing around and tickling her and she says stop. Stop, and tell her you stopped because you asked her to. Or ask her before hugging/ kissing her. There are plenty of ways to teach young children about consent and bodily autonomy

Answer

I think you should definitely teach her, especially considering your experience.
Two things I have learnt are:
1. Good touch & bad touch
2. The Hand - each finger represents a person you trust. If something bad or “bad touch” happens you tell the first person, if they don’t listen, tell the next. The idea is to teach the child to keep telling someone they trust. Examples can be a teacher, cousin, aunty or uncle, friend’s parent etc.
I can look over my child protection notes if you’d like, see if there’s anything else. We never really talked about consent, just encouraging the child on what to do in case something happens.

Answer

Hmm,this is tough...As a mother I would be very very upset if someone else talked too my daughter about consent. For me this is a very personal, private and important conversation that needs to be done by the parents...Give it some time,its up too her Mom too decide if and when she is ready.

Answer

All past experiences aside, I don’t really think it’s your place to teach someone else’s child about serious topics. Unless you speak with the parents first and they say it’s okay, it isn’t your child. I’m sorry you went through some things growing up and dealt with abuse. But you should still leave it up to the parents to decide how they will personally raise their own children and how they go about discussing those types of topics.

Answer

Was her mother a child when she abused you? When children are abused, they often reenact the abuse with other children. It does not mean they are going to grow up to be a pedophile. In fact, she may have been abused as well and she may have the same view on consent as you do. Maybe you should talk to her about it.

Answer

I’d be prepared to be removed from the child’s life if you approach a subject like that without the Mother’s consent.

Answer

I dont think it’s wrong. I did it with my niece. But that was a little different as her mother (my sister) was never around due to drug addiction. She had a dad and step mom but I mostly raised her. She seemed more comfortable with me so I had the talks with her and luckily she then trusted me more with personal questions. Like body changes, sexual questions, etc.. I will say be careful of possible back lash. Eventually her step mom did get extremely offended that I was having these talks with my niece and not her. Some things didn’t line up with her views which made it worse (in my defense she also thought sex isn’t a think til your 20 🙄). So maybe a talk with the parents first might be helpful or just doing it.

Answer

Oh gosh, that’s hard. I’d be concerned her mother is abusing her since you said she did that to you. Also be prepared for the mother to backlash if she finds out you’re teaching her-people like that tend to get defensive.

Would you teach somebody else’s child about consent?

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