Traumatized

I had a mc in March no luck since I’m not ttc but ttc if that make sense I’m more of God’s timing but some days I’m crying and obsessed but each month I have my period reminds me of my mc...like it’s really terrifying I know what God takes a way he will replace with greater and I know eventually my rainbow baby will come but just seeing all that blood each month takes me to a terrible place some days I’m tempted to get back on birth control just so I won’t have my period but birth control is what ruined my body and had me sick in the beginning I know I can’t be the only person feeling like this?