Does it matter if you have kids and aren't married?

Question

My partner and I have 2 kids together but we aren't married, to him marriage is just a piece of paper. All my friends who have children are married, and I feel wrong for not being married and referring to him as my boyfriend and not husband, plus when I fill out paperwork and put my children down and put myself down as single it kind of bugs me. Am I making a big deal out of this?

Answer

Marriage is beyond a piece of paper. I would suggest talking to him about it because it clearly is a point of concern for you.

Answer

Not a matter of right or wrong. I wouldn’t have children before marriage, but that’s me. I think more of insurance and assets when I think about marriage- it’s definitely MORE than just a paper. I think people use the whole “it’s just paper” “you know how I feel about you” stuff as a cop out because they actually fear the permanent commitment that marriage represents.

Answer

Being married only matters if it matters to u. If u are feeling uneasy about not being married, then speak to ur boyfriend. Marriage is more than just a piece of paper. To put it in mundane terms, It makes the couple legally responsible for each other (i.e. taxes, health care proxy in some states, etc). Also, maybe u can refer to him as ur partner or significant other if you are outgrowing the term “boyfriend”. 
i don’t think u have to be married. Having parents that are in a healthy relationship is wat counts for children & their stability. Best of luck!

Answer

My husband and I had 2 kids and were together for 8 years before getting married. I don’t think it’s a huge deal.

Answer

I would talk to him. and explain how it all makes you feel.   to me it was a big deal and I LOVE to say "MY HUSBAND" and its not just a piece of paper. its a commitment. if it were just a piece of paper what's the big deal then? 
if you were to get in an accident or something your bf has no say and vice versa. everything legal doesn't apply to you. health ins. life ins. taxes. some people think of marriage and think big wedding. it doesn't even have to be that way. yes technically its just a piece of paper. but an important one. just like a birth certificate. some will argue saying you dont need it to be committed or be happy, ect. but legally you do. and if you're so in love and happy, why not??? if its "just a piece of paper"

Answer

If it bugs you then maybe you want the marriage hun to some people yes it’s just a piece of paper but not everyone feels that way I think you don’t even feel that way.

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It matters to me too. I don't have kids, but we've talked about trying and I'm just on the fence with it because we're not married yet. My biggest fear is the judgment from his family. I love them and have no problems with anyone, but they're the most judgmental people i've ever met. It doesn't matter in the sense it's no one else's business, but I understand why it bothers you to say "boyfriend" instead of husband or putting "single" on papers.

Answer

If it’s important to you, then he needs to hear you out. I don’t think marriage is required by any means, but someone’s desires should be heard out especially when it’s an important matter like that. 
I was also one who viewed marriage as just a piece of paper (meaning all the legalities of it). To me the entire tradition of marriage was weird - it started with father’s selling their daughters 🤷🏻‍♀️ But when we decided we were ready to start a family I had the desire to get married so we would all share the same last name. I know some women don’t take their husbands name but I’m not a fan of two last names or hyphenating our child’s last name. That’s just me. I know marriage has much more meaning to people who believe in holy matrimony.

Answer

The reason marriage is important is because of all the legal entitlements that go with it. Your bf needs a life insurance policy on him to cover expenses you and the kids need to replace his income if he dies. If he's incapacitated and in the hospital you will have no rights to see him or authorize care (and vice versa.)  If you have a home or car together and your name isn't on the title, the state will take that property upon his death and put it through probate unless he has a will the leaves all his property to you. Just discuss some of this with him because if he loves you and your kids, he should take legal steps to make sure you'll be protected if he dies.

Answer

It wasn't a big deal to me until my daughter was born. My..now husband..wanted to get married before she was born but I wanted to wait until after, i didn't want to look like a whale on my wedding day and was the same about thinking it was just a piece of paper. after she was born everything changed and I was a little depressed we had different last names so we did a small ceremony (we live in vegas so it was super easy) just the 3 of us and 2 close friends and will have a big wedding next year. if it's something you want definitely talk to him about it.

Does it matter if you have kids and aren't married?

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