*PLEASE DO NOT JUDGE OR WRITE A RUDE COMMENT BEFORE READING*

In 2016 I had surgery on my right foot, unfortunately I now have post surgical severe scar tissue and arthritis so I’ve been on heavy pain medications. My body’s so used to the medications I don’t get a high or anything from it like people would assume. I was put in a pain management program last year with a new doctor and that doctor has been helping me significantly. I was taking 10mg of Percocet 5 and a half times a day. I surprisingly got pregnant and the day I found out I immediately called my pain doctor and we brought down the dosage of my medication to 5mg 4 times a day over a period of a couple months because I couldn’t be taken off too quickly due to it causing the baby harm. It was rough with the withdrawals at first, not only did I have the common physical symptoms but I also felt suicidal. My doctor and the doctor who specializes in medication exposed pregnancies decided to keep me at this dosage because it would cause more harm to get me completely off of the medication. My son is healthy but we won’t know if he has respiratory problems until he is born. I called to schedule my monthly appointment today and was told I was discharged from the pain program. My doctor didn’t discus this with me, in fact she told me she’d speak with me this month like usual. I’m worried and scared because my refill is due next week and I have no idea who to call for it or how to go about this and I’m afraid of going through withdrawals not just for myself but for my baby. My biggest fear is to have my baby suffer, go into preterm labor, or worse 💔. I feel like such a bad mother even though I know I shouldn’t 😔 💔 I wrote my doctor and I’m praying I get some answers.