dear liam,

i hate you.

you took away something that wasn't given to you. and i can genuinely say you broke me.

i have your number written down in a sticky note. it's stupid but sometimes i wish i could call you to ask why you didn't stop.

but it's pretty useless to do that. you would just say you "couldn't stop" and apologise.

all the nights i cried and all the times i thought about you when i shouldn't be thinking about you make me hate you and myself.

i promised you that i would give you my virginity. and maybe i wanted to lose it for the wrong reasons but i wanted to feel close to you... or anyone.

and that's all i ever wanted and what i still want: closure.

that's what i look for everytime i have sex but it's hard to feel close to anyone when all i feel is disgust cause you keep popping up in my head.

i hate you for ever touching me but i hate myself for not being able to stop you from doing it.