I hate anxiety a lot.

I have social anxiety, and have had it for around 2 years. I hate being around people though I hate being alone. Last month at high school I was in art class and we had to turn in our sketches for a self portrait, and I almost broke down so hard. My palms were sweating like hell, my eyes were building up tears, all because I was so scared that it wasn’t good enough and my teacher would yell at me and tell me it’s so shit. It’s happened quite a lot especially at school, so I don’t join in any clubs or anything, but I find it hard to even go outside without thinking people are watching me. I’m thankful that my social anxiety isn’t like some other people’s, and I feel really sorry for them.

Recently though I have developed sleep anxiety and it’s terrible. I’m scared to go to sleep especially on my own, which means I have huge bags under my eyes almost all the time. I don’t know why, so for the past few days I’ve been sleeping in my parents room, but now they’ve kicked me out of their room and I don’t blame them. I just feel someone is watching me, I sometimes start hallucinating and think I see someone just staring at me. The other night I randomly woke up at 2 in the morning and I didn’t go back to sleep, I just stared at my phone. It’s currently almost 11:00 pm and I’m just sitting in silence, filling up with anxiety.

I wouldn’t say I have depression, but I’m not sure... I don’t hate myself, but I don’t think that I’m good enough. My family at the moment is facing small-ish financial issues, making everyone mad and they’re all yelling at each other and leaving the house for a few hours, etc. I’d say that is making me stressed and I think it’s my fault for some reason. I just have moments where I think “What the hell am I doing on this earth?” But that usually goes away after I watch some YouTube or something like that.

I don’t want to see a therapist though. I don’t want to tell anyone about my problems. Not my friends, family, etc. I just think that me putting my problems on them will bring them down, or worry and I don’t want to put pressure on other people. I’m scared to tell my parents because... I don’t really know, I just don’t want to bring them down with me.

Sorry this is so huge haha I just needed to get it out. If and of you ah e any tile to get over anxiety and being able to have a good nights sleep alone, please comment down below. Thanks y’all have a good one.