Was it rape?

It was back in December 2017. I decided to have sex with a man I barely even knew.

I broke up with my abusive ex a month or two before. But it never felt like it was done. He would text me curses and call me names from different accounts and sometimes threaten or blackmail me with nudes

To get over my abusive ex, I wanted to do something crazy. Something I have never done before: Sex

I barely knew the man. I only met him twice before.

It was in the mans car. He was three years older than me. We had protection. When he started I thought

" I don't want to do this anymore."

It hurt a lot and I kept my hand pushing against him the whole time. I told him it hurt a lot but he didn't reply. I didnt ask him to move but kept pushing him the whole time.

I felt like because I wanted to do this I had to go on with it. I couldn't just say stop when I said I wanted to do it.

It finished really fast but the pain was

terrible.

We did it again and this time it hurt more. He told me to change positions. I stomach was down on the seat. I was uncomfortable but I didn't say anything.

I wanted to tell him to stop. That it hurt too much but I couldnt speak. I couldn't push him. My hand were under me and pressed against my boobs.

This time it ended fast too.

Right after he finished, I smiled got my stuff and went home. It hurt a lot for the next two days.

I hated myself for doing it. I still do. I don't know how to get over the experience. I only ever told two people about it, one of which was my counselor.

I don't like to call it rape because I was the one who asked for it.

But I haven't forgotten about how much it hurt. Sometimes I cry with regret. I wish I could go back and stop. I wish I never put myself in that situation.

I never talked to the man again. I haven't seen him since. I feel like no one will want me.

I keep thinking about it..

How do I get over it.

How do I make myself feel okay.

767 views • 0 upvotes • 19 comments

COMMENT (19)

Jo

Posted at
Very difficult situation. You changed your mind, but you didn't indicate to him that you were no longer consenting. Was it a traumatic situation that you shouldn't have had to endure? Certainly. Was it rape? I don't really think so. I just don't see how he could have known that he needed to stop. He's definitely a jerk for having no concern about your comfort, though.In the future, you need to remember that you are allowed to change your mind. At any point, you can tell a sexual partner that you don't want to continue. It doesn't matter if you wanted it before that moment. It doesn't matter if you've already done stuff. If you want it to stop, then you are allowed to say so. Don't endure pain and trauma because you feel guilty.I'm so sorry you've been through this. Keep talking about it with your counsellor, or seek further therapy. You can heal. You can have healthy sexual relationships in the future. You can be wanted and loved. I promise. As a victim of multiple cases of rape and abuse who has found an incredible partner who loves and respects me, I promise you can do it. Stay strong ❤️

Ga

Posted at
I don't really know. You never said no. You said it hurt but you never said stop or no. I've said "ow that hurts" during sex as well. My husband would just switch positions, because that's what was causing me pain. Again, I don't really know if this is rape or not. Without a definitive "no or stop," it's hard to say. I'd talk to a counselor about that you went through. I'm really sorry you went through this. This is just how I see it, from what you've shared. I could be completely wrong. I'm very sorry that this happened to you.

S

Posted at
you never said stop or no. I dont see it as rape

An

Posted at
That is not rape

de

Posted at
Yes it was rape as you changed your mind. You said it hurt but he continued anyway. Keep talking to your counsellor, im sorry this happened to you

ma

Posted at
No you didn’t get rape, you’re using the word to loosely— you didn’t tell him no or to stop.

Me

Posted at
Just because you changed your mind to “no” doesn’t mean it doesn’t count. No means no

Me

Posted at
You can’t expect him to be able to read minds. If you changed your mind then you should have said something. Saying that it hurts isn’t the same thing as saying you don’t want to do it.

Bo

Posted at
I wouldn’t say it was rape . You said it hurt so he should of suggested stopping but maybe he thought it wasn’t that bad . You never told him to stop or get off so that would indicate it wasn’t rape.

Di

Posted at
*TRIGGER WARNING* please with title.