I’m scared of even putting this here in fear that they will find it.

I won’t say he or her.

My best friend molested me, they accused me of molesting them. I have felt sick for the past 4 days. I can’t sleep in my bedroom anymore because of what happened. I’ve been wearing the same clothes and done nothing with my hair. I usually am always on top of how I look but I just feel bleh. I’ve been molested before when in was really little. I know that I didn’t molest my best friend.

This is what happened(I don’t recommend this for people that don’t want to hear this, so warning.):

We went to bed, I was very exhausted because I had to get up at 6am and I had been going to bed at 7pm. it was 10pm. they kept goofing around and stuff. I said “please go to beddddd” but on a friendly way.

They finally settled down. It gets super cold at night so I said hey can u cuddle me? (Not in a relationship way, obviously.)

They said “sure!”

Waited about 4 mins

I was almost asleep

They then proceeded to say “wait I don’t like this position.” changed it up and put their knee into my vagina and kept rubbing their knee. It really hurt. And I said the same thing she said. “Uhh I don’t like this position..” I then moved his knee away and went into the spooning position. They got on top of me in like a sex position and I was terrified. I felt like I was being told I was weaker. They are older than me btw, but just by a few months. Anyways.

They started chocking me and sticking their fingers down my throat. I don’t know why.

I wanted to cry and go to my moms room. They layed down in this weird position back with their knee in my vagina. I didn’t move it, I was scared. Keep in mind earlier that day he killed an animal in front of all these little kids I babysit for.

He put his arm over my boobs and it hurt really bad. I was in actual pain. I layer their for a minute while they were pressing their arm hard on my boobs. and all I could think “my boobs hurt so bad”

I grabbed their arm away from my boobs without thinking, I set it on my thigh not purposely. (it’s hard to control someone else’s hand.) I was wearing loose shorts (tight on top loose on bottom) and I said “oh uh sorry is this okay”

I’m so stupid. I just didn’t want it to seem to awkward because I kept lying in my head “Oh ana, this is normal! It happens to everyone. it’s always happened to you.”

They said “Yeah haha”

It was on right where everyone wants a thigh gap. I was even scareder. It was like 3am so I was exhausted. I tried turning away from them so I could have the hand slip out of my shorts. That somehow made the hand closer to my vagina. (They definitely moved their hand.)

I felt broken. My heart felt disgusted.

The hand was ON my vagina, only thongs covering. He was pressing down onto my clitoris. It hurt too, I didn’t like anything of this.

My eyes were tearing up, I tried turning my body the other way some more but they were holding on. I then stood up and ran to my moms room.

Now my ex friend is accusing me of molesting them because I texted my other friend that lives across the world that the molester is crazy and I’ll tell them what happened another day.

Well my bff texted the molester to stay away from me and that they know everything. So in fear my ex friend molester starts texting me

“Incant believe you’d talk behind my back! You molested me in my sleep Ana. I know what you did! You put my hand down your pants and I was so scared. You molested me omfg! I was scared and I a wanted to call my mom.”

I didn’t molest them at all. I’m just trying to not let that get in my head because I don’t want to feel guilty for something I didn’t do. I didn’t tell anyone, just my mom. My mom told my dad and my brothers.

The molester is now hanging out with everyone she told me she hates. I’m so scared. It was embarrassing having to text the molester back saying that I didn’t do that and telling them what they did to me. All they kept texting back was “you molested me Ana.”

My mom told me to ignore it and that its gonna be ok. But I still feel like absolute shit. I just pretty much got molested for 3 hours. Then moved their hand away from my boobs because I was in pain. Got molested some more then accused for it. How do I get rid of this feeling?! I feel so sick and disgusted.

This is sort of how I feel:

😞🤢😰😓😰🤢😭😭