soo fed up been crying and jist feeling soo low for weeks now today was my little cousins bday and i felt so low in my aunts love my family but feel like a burden just wish i could feel happy, especially when i know iv got my health family and excited for the baby coming in oct. but just cant help feeling my hudband should be with somone else and leaste im not holding him back. and the rest of my family would be better off without me I keep having thoughts about kimd of suicide but i wouldn't do anything cause the baby would die and its the last thing i want cant stop worrying about losing the baby either. I dont want to actaully die either but in a weird way wish i could just tale tabelts and wake up with this horrible feeling away from me. Im also getting so angry and upset that the our house not sorted yet we arentrying to decorate and the place is like an organised mess we still need to empty two bedrooms i keep thinking of trying to go away next week cause i cant cope with it all and i dont think my husband realaises how upset its making me. tonight we watched the new mamamia tonight and was upset thinking what will i do if my mum dies. also been thinking about my father in law a lot too he passed away last month and keep thinking why did he have to pass away he was an amazing man and would have been the best granpa and my dads such an idiot not that i want anything to happen to him but whys this world soo messed up. keep worrying im not pulling my weight in work as much due to been tired most of the time with the pregnancy keep thinking i need antidepressants but just duno and know my hudband always says u should able to retrain your brain why cant i be as happy and carefree as david i rememeber being like that years ago and now i dont know whats wrong. keep wondering if ill ever have any true friends cause i feel iv lost everyone harldy see anyone and they never ask if im going outs.... part of me thinks i dont need them go meet new friends who are going to be there for me as i would them but no idea how u can meet them. my husbsnds lucky he has such good friends dont thinknhe would understand how i feel. also lucjy if we have had sex omce a month just not into it t all infeel terrible8 anythime my husbamd touches me.i feel rrally weord and liek just get off me!!! obv i wouldnt drinm during pregnancy but i feel that way i judt wanna get drunk so i can go nuts one night with him. im.not the most adventurers but if iv had a drink im.notmly more in the mood. sorry for the big speil but jist want to get it all off my chest