Who Should Apologize?

Emily • It’s not always the best idea to follow the masses, because sometimes the “M” is silent.

My ex and I broke up a little over 2 months ago. We don’t see each other anymore, but we occasionally text each other. Lately I’ve been thinking about the events leading up to our breakup, and it made wonder about something. I feel like I was a crappy girlfriend, and I wonder if I should apologize. I don’t plan on getting back together, but I do want to get on better terms. But he also did some horrible things, and I’m wondering if HE is the one who should apologize. Anyways, here’s the full story, for reference. It all started on May 7th. Our relationship was on thin ice. He never answered my texts, and sometimes completely neglected me when sitting together at lunch. During lunch that day, his friend physically assaulted me and stole my bag. I was kind of pissed with my boyfriend, because he was only about 5 feet away when it happened, and he did nothing about it! So I decided to ask my mom about what to do. She told me to consider breaking up with him. I was so confused about why my bf’s friend had assaulted me, completely out of the blue. Turns out he was talking shit about me to his friends behind my back. And his friend thought he was standing up for my boyfriend when he stole my backpack. The next day, I was chatting with my best friend. I told her about the predicament I was in. About all the problems I had with him. My boyfriend overheard my conversation. I didn’t notice. He texted me during class later that day. He told me to meet up with him after class. So we did. And it was there that he broke up with me. He left me for his friend on his school bus. This perfect girl with the beautiful name of “Lilliana.” The most painful part was being abandoned for this perfect model of the human species I could never be. To this day, I despise Lilliana with every inch of my being. The next day, my ex dropped his binder during class. His papers spilled everywhere. I politely picked them up for him. And it was then that I noticed what he had written on one of the sheets of paper. He wrote a list of reasons why he broke up with me. There were at least 10, but I only remember 3.

1. She’s ugly.

2. She’s not that funny.

3. Her expectations are way too high.

It was #3 that hurt the most. I didn’t have high expectations. I simply felt neglected by my boyfriend. He was doing fairly well in all other departments. Then, I read the second part of the page. And I learned the truth. He never loved me. He only dated me because he felt bad for me. In other words, he thinks I’m so ugly that no one will ever love me, so he should at least try to give me that experience. Not too long afterwards, the abuse began. I can’t quite describe the relationship we had. It was some sort of a mix between an emotionally abusive relationship, and a toxic friendship. It started after my school choir concert. I’m in choir, and I was feeling quite proud of myself, as I had done an amazing job. We were supposed to dress formal, so I chose a beautiful black dress. Afterwards, I sent him the photos I took after the performance. He then called me ugly. Again. And that wasn’t the last time he did that. He continued to call me ugly, insult my intelligence, and treat my feelings as if they didn’t matter whenever possible. I eventually got the binder from my backpack back from the teacher of my assaulter. It had been slashed, torn, and shredded to pieces. It wasn’t even worth using. I went the rest of the school year without a bag. It was very difficult. Anyways, thanks for listening to my story. Please keep any hateful comments to yourself.

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