Hi mommies,

I finally gave birth two weeks ago! It was my first time and it didn’t went as I wished for 😢 I had a amazing pregnancy, healthy and everything.

My contractions started very late at Tuesday (40w+1 day). It was getting stronger really slowly. I had to stand against the wall for handling the contractions. I couldn’t sleep, because every

10/15min I had to stand up. 😣 My husband got frustrated as well, but luckily he had the power to support me.

On Thursday I went to the hospital and they sent me back home, as I was just 1 cm dilated 😩 The contractions got worse, but I had to have 3 contractions every 10min for getting starting with labour. My contractions were not consistent at all, which got me more anxious! On Sunday morning 4am I went desperately back to the hospital. I didn’t had any contractions during my journey towards the hospital.

Suddenly the midwife told me to stay, because I was 4cm! 😃

My plan was to have natural birth, only having Gas/Air and pool as pain relief. Everything went surprisingly easy from that point, I could handle every contraction and had even chats with my husband, doula and midwife. I didn’t even use the gas&air;!

At 11 am I already dilated 7cm, which gave me so much positive energy! At 2pm I was still 8cm, so they broke my water for speeding it up.

BUT Around 6pm, we hadn’t progress further, I didn’t had any contractions more!!

They gave me “drops” for waking up my contractions, which terified me. It wasn’t good for the baby and I was afraid for my own reaction on it! After couple of hours, nothing changed. 😥 Meanwhile, they checked my dilation around 10 times and it hurts! 😵 They put baby and me on heart monitor. Suddenly, the alarm went off, 7 people came in the room. They took my clothes off and told me having an emergency c-section. Baby heartbeat dropped low and they wouldn’t take any risks.

It freaked me out inside, but I tried to keep calm. I was just so tired of everyhing, before I knew, they started the surgery. I got so much different meds for starting the surgery, didn’t felt anything.

After 15min I heard the baby crying, my husband saw our son. I was high on meds but super emotional. He hold the baby next to me and I couldn’t believe he was here😍 They were still in surgery, it took them 45 min to finish the operation.

Afterwards, I had to stay for two days at the postnatal wards. I had great midwifes, but had to share the room with others. People brought so many visitors over, as new (recovering) mom, it was a bad first two days! Breastmilk didn’t came through, baby was crying for milk. Every midwife told you something else. We had no access to formula and husband could only sleep on a chair. I begged to discharge soon. I told them I recover better at home. So eventually they sent me home after doctor check! I arrived home and I had the BEST SHOWER ever in my life! I felt so dirty!

Now 2 week PP, I feel a lot of blessings from my small fam. However, my body feels and look terrible. The first week I couldn’t walk or stand up by myself. My body gained weight during pregnancy, stretchmarks all over my body. Ofcourse, I am proud as female, because I did something amazing. I had a baby inside me for 9 months! Perfectly healthy and safe.

Luckily my husband is helping me with the bottle feeding. I just started to change my mindset. Trying to move, taking steps outside with the baby. Walking with him through the park. I know it sound crazy and irresponsible, but I even doing daily low intens gym sessions. Yes after two weeks🙈 It feels so good to move and sweat the pregnancy off me! To let every negative feeling go. Cooking nice food every day or ordering sushi😍 I asked visitors to wait as I am still recovering. I don’t feel like I want to see everyone now. I even drink a glass of wine, just to enjoy this moment.

Emergency C-section experience gives you the feeling you weren’t good enough for bringing your child naturally. This is an emotional thing and it’s really stupid, because you can’t control this! But you can try to let this go by replacing this thought with your amazing newborn baby. Every small movement of my son, makes me so happy! He’s gaining weight, which makes me intensely happy. I took a shower with him yesterday. It was the best experience ever, holding him in my arms.

I just want to share this birth story with you, because having a perfect birth-scene can destroy your birth experience. Everything can happen, just be strong. Because our bodies are capable to do everything.

Wish you all having great and blessed birth experience ❤️❤️❤️

Much love,

Lilly