So my boyfriend and I have been on and off again for about 4yrs, mostly on though. We’ve been been friends since we were 13 (we are 27 now).

Anyways! Him and I were talking about kids and marriage the other day again. It changes day to day but as it is right now, he doesn’t want to get married. I don’t even know if I do anymore. I think I was more in love with the dress than the whole family getting together thing.. I’m a black sheep. Me and my family don’t see eye to eye.

And we’ve talked about kids and he’s known about a pregnancy I had when I was 19 that I aborted (please DO NOT judge! My decision, not yours. Keep your comments to yourself on this matter please! It was a difficult decision for me and I promise you, a part of me regrets it every day!) He seemed ok with it. Now, it’s a huge deal cause it won’t be a first for me like it will be for him. I’ve tried to explain that it would still be a first because I would love to have the chance now to raise a kid and watch them grow and I want to have to all with him. But he wants to share things that are firsts together. And I don’t know what to do. I love him more than anything. I’ve loved him since the first time I met. Even when we lost touch a bit in a high school, I never stopped thinking about him and when we ran into each other again, the world disappeared and life made sense.. he’s been my dream.. but so has getting married and having kids.. I just don’t know what to do..