A bit of background, I am in a loving relationship with my boyfriend of 2 years. One of his male friends (let's call him Jack) has always had a bit of a crush on me, which he has admitted in the past but I have always been very clear with him that I'm not interested in anything more than friendship with him and he's accepted this. He also has a girlfriend so agreed its for the best. Jack and I do get on really well however, share a lot of similar tastes in hobbies and films and chat often via text and go out in our friendship group together. On Saturday, I was due to meet a friend for dinner and while on the train to meet her she called to say she couldn't make it anymore. While I was waiting for the next stop so I could get off the train and return home, Jack and I got to texting and after I told him about the cancellation he suggested going to the pub for a few drinks as I was disappointed about getting dressed up to go out and then being ditched. Looking back now, it was a really dumb thing to do, and to make it worse I avoided telling my boyfriend because I thought he would tell me not to and make me come home. We met at the pub and had a few drinks, some usual chitchat. He suggested going to the park. Once we got to the park he found a bushy area in the outskirts and a tree trunk for us to sit on. He poured me a drink. At this point I was feeling tipsy. We were just chatting and listening to music. The next thing I remember was him kissing me and me pushing him away by his chest. The next four hours I don't remember anything. I woke up on my back in the area we had set up camp in. It was dark. I was so disorientated I was calling out for my boyfriend. Jack was sat next to me and said it was time for me to go home. So he put me in a taxi. I don't remember the drive home. The next morning I found myself covered in scratched and cuts so deep I needed a tetanus shot. I'm bruised on my knees, elbows, face and slightly on my butt cheeks and inner thigh. My shoes and clothes were so muddy I had to throw them in the garbage and all I could do that day was sit in the shower and cry. I have zero recollection of what happened and have such a sick feeling in my stomach. I have so much guilt for letting whatever happened, happen. I can't tell anyone because we are all friends and I can't tell my boyfriend because they are so close and I don't want to accuse Jack if I have no idea what happened. I need help and I don't know where to turn to :(