My husband and I have three kids. My tubes were tied almost six years ago. We want one more. We started the process to adopt through foster first in our state. The process takes forever and there’s no guarantee that the child we foster will be available for adoption. We have heard stories of kids being taken from parents less than a year old and then living in a foster home for three plus years and then being put back in the home of the parent only to be put up for foster care again so the child starts to bounce back and forth. I started to get worried about the impact this would have on not only the foster child but also my own kids. If they accept and love this child like a sibling and then the child leaves - they would be devastated. We started the process in February and you have to take mandatory classes for six weeks. Well months went by and we didn’t hear anything. We reached out and were told that there was no update on when classes would start. We have passed our background checks and everything else. So six weeks ago I got my tubes untied. No pregnancy yet. Yesterday the adoption/foster facility emails us that classes start in October and end in December. Now I am completely torn on what to do. I don’t know if I should eat the 12k cost of having my tubes untied (we paid out of pocket) and pursue adoption or if I should continue to try to get pregnant. Our youngest will be six this winter - we really want to have another child but I’m worried that as time goes by the age gap between our youngest and the new child will grow and they won’t have a close relationship. Any insight? Any advice? My husband said let’s do both but I can’t do that - that’s too many kids for me - four kids is my max. I felt strongly about adopting at first and felt like it was a calling for me. When friends and family found out they were not supportive - they said that my kids are happy and I should pursue pregnancy and not introduce a child with trauma into my home. I know I want one more I just don’t know which path to take to get there. I suppose if I’m not pregnant by October I could pursue foster to adopt but it doesn’t change the possibility of a child being introduced and later reconciled with their birth parents - which is wonderful for that family but may have a negative impact on mine. Idk what to do.

Update - still looking for insight