Before I was pregnant, I suffered from depression. I’ve been in mental institutions for depression. Back when I was in middle and high school, I would cut myself and it continued til I met my husband. He made me happy and I thought my depression had went away.

3 years into our relationship, I ended up not being able to work and when I was finally able to work again, we were so falling behind on bills and we couldn’t catch up. Our car got repossessed, we didn’t have phones or food, my grandmother died and two of our dogs died and one month later I was admitted to a mental hospital. I was there til the day before Christmas. That made it even harder for me considering I couldn’t get anyone anything for Christmas and I was just so down on myself. That was my major fallback with depression since being with my husband. After seeking the help of a therapist afterwards, I was fine and happy as ever. Just a little anxiety here and there.

I got pregnant in October of 2017. I felt fine my whole pregnancy. Up until the last trimester at least. I ended up having to stop working due to nerve damage that would leave me temporarily paralyzed. My baby stopped growing. My husband and I were struggling with finances again (after paying for stuff for the baby and our wedding and unexpected medical bills). We started having problems with our car and my mom got diagnosed with renal failure. This all happened in my 3rd trimester. I was always in pain or tired. I just started feeling down. Everything was overwhelming. But I have a counselor that I still see that helps me a lot to get by day to day. She helped me with a lot of stress and she still does but I feel like now after I’ve had the baby, there’s so much more.

I’m 3 week’s PP. I’m so so so tired and stressed. I literally cry all the time. I’m crying now as I type. My baby has been feeding more and more it seems. Breastfeeding is tiring me out and she comfort feeds too and I feel like I can never get away. My husband doesn’t know how to cook, so the closest thing to food I get from him is cereal or eggs or noodles. He’s getting to the point of being so irritable (from lack of sleep and working two jobs to support us) and I absolutely hate it. He’s been not so nice to me lately and I’m so sensitive. I will ask him to do something for me, and he will rage and freak out but he ends up doing it but I just feel so crappy when he acts the way he does when I ask for help. So I’ve been trying my best to not ask him for anything and when I need something, I just put the baby down but she cries and screams for me. I feel even worse because there’s things that I need to do (like food or laundry) but I feel bad when the baby is crying for me because I went to go do those things.

I don’t even want to talk to anyone. I feel like I’m burdening people with my problems but I just feel so down. My brother calls and texts me everyday and it annoys me. I literally just want to shut the whole world out. I just feel so aggravated and tired. I want a real meal. I want my husband to not be mean to me all the fucking time. And when he sees me crying or when I’m down, he’ll ask me what’s wrong but anytime I tell him anything he says “oh me too”. I love him to death but that’s not what I want. I want comfort and love and help. I just ordered some bottles and Breastmilk bags so that he can help me feed baby but I just feel so selfish for wanting to pump. I feel bad. Like really bad. Mentally. Idk what to do. I’m just so miserable.