depression and anxiety

i’m almost nervous to type this out because i’m so scared of the mean comments that will probably be made...

i struggle a lot with my emotions, a lot of the times i put myself in bad moves by over thinking and accusing. i’m insecure with myself personally & i get very anxious in some situations. i constantly have to be doing something, talking in front of people or being assertive isn’t my thing. i struggle and fight my own demons and a lot of time my thoughts are “why am i here? what am i getting from living?” i wouldn’t say i want to kill myself, but it comes to mind some. i get very nervous and i always assume that the worst is going to happen. i don’t like being around people, i want to be with my boyfriend 24/7 (i find so much peace with him. he calms me and makes me feel so good about myself) i get so nervous if i don’t know what is going on to happen the next day, i always want to know what me and my bf are doing and what time i’ll see him, if i don’t have a set time i’m anxious and constantly think about it. when we try to hangout with friends, i get so uncomfortable and irritated i end up being in such a bad mood.

saying so, has anybody ever taken anxiety or depression medicine? me and my boyfriend fight all the time because of how anxious i am, i’m constantly accusing him or assuming that something bad is gonna happen. i want to try to help myself, and help our relationship but i don’t want to rely on medicine to be happy.