From the time I was 5 up until I graduated a month and a half ago, I’ve been bullied for my weight.

99.9% of the offenders have been guys. Over the years I’ve developed this hatred/fear of guys, like I wanna have a full blow panic attack if I’m near a too large group of them.

It’s really messed me up on how I develop relationships. I get crushes from time to time but I learned to never act on them because I would be laughed at or belittled by the guy and his group of friends.I broke up with my boyfriend because I was so uncomfortable being in a relationship with him. He wasn’t forcing me to do anything and he was sweet to me but I was just so uncomfortable.

I’ve become so adverse to touch from other people other than my parents, but even then that’s iffy. Yet I’m touch starved and I want to be loved romantically. It’s so bad that I can’t even get a girlfriend. It’s awful.

I want to be normal and have normal experiences.. I don’t know what to do!