Daughters friends mom smoking in the car with my daughter. What would you do?

Question

My daughter is 11. She’s been friends with another little girl since they were in kindergarten. This summer, they’ve been spending a lot of time together. I did trust the mother and we get along really great. Well yesterday, she dropped my daughter off at our house and everything was fine. But I noticed my daughter smelled like cigarette smoke and she had told me the mom was smoking in the car with her in there. My daughter said she had the windows cracked but she could still smell it bad. I don’t want my daughter to be in a vehicle while someone is smoking. Even if the windows are completely down. I just don’t want her around that. Do you think there is a way to address this without straining the girls friendship? I don’t want it to become an issue that affects them two.

Answer

Your daughter's health is far more important than worrying about a strained friendship. If her mother can't see what's she's doing is harmful and isn't willing to stop doing it around your kid and hers then don't ever let her be around them again. Smoking in cars with children is illegal in many states regardless of any open windows. 
I would tell your daughter she just can't get into the car with that girls mom or be around her when smoking until she can agree to stop it.

Answer

I’d talk to her. I know I’d be livid if this happened to my children. It’s not acceptable to expose another persons child to second hand smoke.

Answer

I understand your frustration. I am not a smoker and hate the habit, BUT you cant rightly dictate what someone else does in their own car and when you sent your daughter with her. Certainly you can politely ask her not to smoke with your kid around but if she has the habit, it's unlikely to happen. I think of you want the kids to continue having a friendship you should keep her daughter with you, let her come to your house and stay, when they play you should be the one to take your daughter and you should stay with her (park play dates, etc) that way theres no potential for your daughter to be exposed. Surely, I could be wrong and maybe she will agree not to smoke with her in the car at the very least, but she will likely always be a smoker and smoke around her in other capacities.

Answer

I would try to talk to the mother gently. Just tell her how you feel in a nice way. Ask her if she don’t mind to step out of the car to smoke instead of driving and smoking around your daughter. I wouldn’t be happy about it either, but it’s best to try the polite approach first.

Answer

I would talk to the mom but also coach your daughter on what she could say too. it's her body and at 11 she should be learning to stand up for her health and well being too. it's tough, but I'd like to think that if you approach her kindly and as non judgemental as possible, she'll respect your wishes not to have her smoke in the car with your daughter. and I agree with the suggestion that if she isn't willing to stop around your daughter, to suggest more play dates at your house so the girls can still be close friends. good luck!

Answer

I would be really mad and I’m not all uptight about smoking, my husband smokes, I used to smoke, my dad always smoked in the car/house with me. 
But that’s just not right. No one would be smoking in the car with my child!

Answer

either don't let your daughter ride in the car with them or talk to the mom. Ask her to not smoke with your daughter in her car. idk about other places but here in California it's actually illegal to smoke with a child in the as of a couple years ago. You could get a ticket.

Answer

That's your child, if you don't want people smoking in a vehicle while she's in it then you have to tell them. They might not care if their kid is in the vehicle while they're smoking, but that's your child and its harmful to her. No way when I have kids am I gonna let anyone smoke around my kids unless they're outside. My dad smoked with me in the vehicle and I hated it

Answer

This is really rough, I'm not a smoker but my husband is. It's nearly impossible to get them to stop the habit, even if we think "wow you can't wait?" they don't think that way. My husband only lasted a couple of days when out daughter was born before he just started smoking around her. Even if it's our child, the addiction is definitely taking over more.
You can confront the mother, but don't say your daughter said anything. Just say you've noticed she smells like cigarettes when she gets dropped off by her. See how she reacts, it's tough talking to them about it though.

Answer

Theres no way this is acceptable. I would tell her outright please in future if you wish to smoke may you do it away from my girl not in the car with windows opened as it kade her feel pysically ill and she stinks like a ashtray. It aint fair.

Daughters friends mom smoking in the car with my daughter. What would you do?

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