I don't know where to begin . i finally realized that i need help. and that all of my strength dissapeared. i feel so weak mentally. all i want to do is be alone on a high rooftop and just get a pause from everything. i swear that i know the solution to this but i can't do it . i can't give up on him again . i can't break his heart . i swear that i will not get over it if i do ..... because of the stressful relationship i have with him, i started to seek attention from other males. and i started to like that attention and feel depressed when i am forgotten. I basically cheated on him without realizing it . my feelings are the same thought. all of this made me so lost . i am so lost and i barely have patience to hide it all from others and to act okay like i used to . 3 years ... i handled everything for 3 years. but now it's so hard . . I am always running from thinking. I hate myself now. and i know i need to get myself straight. But i can't.