So we’re trying for baby #2 this month. We have an 18 month old (who everyone in my family adores) BUT both my mom and sister have made multiple inappropriate and disrespectful comments to me about having another baby.

Just some background:

My mom is an amazing human being and is my best friend but my sister (I have two sisters so I’ll refer to this one as “C”) has always been more on the judgmental, holier than thou side.

“C” has twin toddlers she conceived after 4 years, <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IUI</a> and finally a successful <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>. When I was considering having a baby my mom told me I couldn’t conceive before my sister did. This rubbed me wrong but I did understand. Thankfully we weren’t ready anyway.

So then after the twins were born I got pregnant with my little Oliver. When her twins were a year old (I was still pregnant at the time) she conceived on her own, but unplanned.

To be frank, she’s lost control. Her marriage is in shambles, her husband is insanely lazy when it comes to parenting, her twins are extremely behind in language development and social skills. One is in therapy and the other literally screams non-stop all day, every day. The kids spend every day with different people watching them so my sister can go out. Her kids are babysat at least 3 times a week and every weekend. Her youngest is now a year old and just the like the twins, is obsessed with TV and I don’t mean in a normal way. She told me point blank she’s lazy and doesn’t care to teach them things. She can’t take the twins out of the house because of how they act (which is even worse for the kids) so she has to get a babysitter any time she has to do anything, including grocery shop.

But even after drinking allllll the time (she’s a borderline alcoholic) and consistently failing to help her kids learn and grow, everyone tells me she and her kids are priority, she needs help and they feel sorry for her.

I work HARD working from home and teaching my son while my husband works two jobs, one being a new business venture. I know we’re in different situations but from the moment she got pregnant with the twins it was like she stopped caring. My husband and I are on the floor playing with our son while they go out all the time and don’t even kiss their kids goodnight.

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Fast forward! We’re ttc for #2 now like I said but I’ve been talking about having another baby for like 6 months. My mom would always just say “but not yet, not for another few years, you need to wait, etc”. I found out from my other sister (call her “R”) that the reason my mom always acted like that was because she wants ME to wait until the TWINS are older because my sister “C” has too much going on and adding another baby would be too much for my mom (even though she’s babysat my son twice in 18 months and unlike my sister I don’t need a penny from her for help).

But I know my mom would be happy for us regardless and again, I don’t need her help, but it is already frustrating that she spends all of her free time with “C’s” kids and I want her to spend time with us, not for her to babysit. So I’m already salty about that.

Then, about a month ago, my sister “C” and I were talking about babies and she decided to let me know that...

1) I can’t possibly split my time between two kids and my relationship will never be the same with my son and the guilt will be overwhelming

And

2) because I had PPD the first time around she says I’m “guaranteed” to have it again and “is a baby really worth that”?

😡 I try to stay calm and I’m assuming she’s projecting her feelings on me but still. Just to clarify on what kind of person “C” is...

When my sister was still pregnant with her youngest I visited her in another state. My son was like 6 months old. Well when I first had Ollie my anxiety was intense and I didn’t really bond with him the first month. So when I went to visit I was obviously much better mental health wise and when I was bouncing Ollie on my knee she decided it was appropriate to say “see, that’s how you’re SUPPOSED to be with your baby”.

Or how when she learns that my 18 month old doesn’t really like TV and enjoys playing with a vacuum or wiping stuff down with a clean rag or knows how to pick up his toys she tells me that’s “not normal” and I should just let him be a kid?

Her kids also drink chocolate milk every night before bed and eat pizza and Cheetos EVERY SINGLE DAY but tells me that my son’s belly is “too big” (it’s totally normal and he eats a very well-balanced diet). While her kids are nowhere near where they should be for physical development and their teeth are honestly disgusting and never get brushed.

She has to comment on everything my son does right or well or enjoys that’s different from her kids and tell me it’s not how a kid is supposed to be or a toddler shouldn’t “enjoy” healthy food.

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Overall I’m not stressed about ANYTHING - pregnancy, birth, postpartum, breastfeeding - except hearing what they have to say when I get pregnant. And because of how my sister is I know my mom will never give me emotionally what she does with my sister and honestly, it’s just so upsetting. It’s not even the things they say but what do they think and not say to me?

My mom has even taken my sister on multiple girls days out because “she deserves it” but only asked me once and I had work outside the house that day.

She’s traveling 3 hours from her location to where “C” is for her birthday dinner. Literally just for dinner and she told me she would do the same for me - which I know she wouldn’t and she didn’t my last 2 birthdays - and even though she could stop by and see us on the way she said she’s taking the shorter way instead because she’s already traveling enough as it is. Mind you, my mom will travel 2 hours to “C” and back just to babysit her kids for a few hours but my husband and I frequently go see my mom where she lives, even if my husband doesn’t get much sleep after a 12 hour night shift.

I know this was long so if you read it all, thank you!! Maybe I just need some advice or positive thoughts or for someone to tell me it’s okay to feel this way. 😞