(I’ve also posted this in other sections because I want the most feedback I can get)

So I just turned 14 in July and the guy I like/d is a grade above me, but only a month older, got it? I know majority of you are going to see the length of this and skip over it, but please if you have a minute- take a look. I don’t rly know how to start this, so I’ll start from the beginning-

2018-2017 school year- August:

I go to a k-12 school (I’ve been there since 1st grade) and I’d just started junior high (7th grade), since it’s a tinier school everyone knows everybody and my friend group has been the same since 1st grade...now my friend was taking art with some 8th graders and we’re sitting at lunch and this kid (new guy) comes up to her, she introduced us and it turns out this is his 2nd year at the school. He hangs out with us the next couple of days, but this kid group hops a lot, so it was kinda off and on.

One day in September I’m at my locker and he comes up to me and asks if it’s mine, I nod and he walks away. Within the next week I see him around my locker 24/7. New guy was always around my locker when his is upstairs on the other side of the school. But he never once approached me. The junior high gets one dance and it’s always in december. Now mind you, I’d been in an off and on relationship for the past two years- that I was trying to get out of because it wasn’t healthy. Everyone assumed we’d be going together, and when he did ask me my “friend” said yes for me, despite my best wishes. New guy ended up asking my best friend, which was totally fine because in my eyes then he was nothing more than a friend.

At the dance I ended up telling the kid that it was over for real and we haven’t talked since. New and I hung out at the dance and he asked my best friend out, she said yes and broke up with him a few days later. Everyone expected that my group and new guy wouldn’t talk anymore because of it. But my best friend didn’t care that we kept talking, “It’s a small school,” she’d say, “There aren’t a lot of decent people.” We kept talking and became best friends, he’d be sad and I wouldn’t think twice about asking him if he had girl troubles, and visa versa. I still didn’t see him as anything more.

Fast forward to March 2018:

He’s still by my locker 24/7, but we talk now. One day early March we’re standing there talking and I think to myself, “I like this kid, imma tell him.” Of course I didn’t actually because it was so unlike me. I dismissed it as silly, but it still sat at the back of my mind. I played jh soccer that spring and every single home game he’d sit on the bleachers with the parents, boyfriends, and friends of the players and scream my name the entire game, it was amazing and people started noticing. That’s when people started coming up to me and telling me we’d look cute together. Mid-march I walk into the lunch room and he’s in my spot. When i get there he looks at me and says “We need to talk- I like you, like really like you.” Panicking I say “Sry I can’t date.” and walk away. He was gone the next week for the class trip to Florida. He gets back and we weren’t talking. In his locker hallway, I’m talking with one of his friends and my eyes keep drifting to him. She looks at me, sighs and calls him over. Then she leaves us alone and I asked him how his trip was. That day we started talking and you’d never see us without each other. I gave him my phone number and we’d been an unofficial thing since march.

Once I got the clear from my mom, I told him and he asked me out. Everything was perfect for the last weeks of school, literally sunshine and rainbows. The last Monday of school he looks at me and says “My mom isn’t comfortable with us dating over the summer, she thinks it’s best if we split and get back together in august.” And i questioned it, but it didn’t seem like a huge deal if we kept talking. That day he started avoiding me and becoming distant- I txted him out of school and said “is it bad i feel like we already broke up?” we got into a huge fight and ignored tf out of each other the next day. Neither of us could take it so he apologized and we took a couples pic the last day of school, everything was good.

His bday rolls around and I write him a paragraph telling him how great he is and he says “thank you”. Now that made me mad and the next two weeks we didn’t talk at all. Out of the blue he txts me like we’d been talking all along and I went off on him. To which he didn’t respond to. At that point I was so done with him that I really didn’t care and we didn’t talk for the next month. My bday comes around and he doesn’t txt me on the day, the day after saying he was at his dads (who doesn’t have wifi) and that he was sorry. About a week and a half ago he txted me saying that he wanted to talk (it was past midnight). I was up so I said k sure, and then he goes can i call you? And i was like are you crazy? Call me on monday I’m in the mountains and my receptions bad. I call him on monday and he says “k so remember at the beginning of summer when I wasn’t talking to you? Yea well basically I’m a horrible person and you don’t deserve anything I’ve done to you or any emotional damage I’ve caused. Honestly you shouldn’t have gone out with me in the first place, I know i wouldn’t of. I’m terribly sry about everything.” And I’m just in shock, like did her seriously just tell me I should’ve never gone out with him? Is he serious? So I don’t say anything and he’s like so how’s your summer been? And i’m like ummm been busy with soccer and stuff. And he’s all cool hey i gtg I’ll txt or call you later and I hope we can be more than friends okay bye! Now six days later he hasn’t reached out and I’m not even sure I wanna txt him bc honestly I’m not sure how I feel anymore, but he’s a great guy and made me so happy and I don’t wanna just throw that away either.

Right now I’m just hurt and confused and I know eventually I need to talk to the guy, but I don’t know how to handle it or what to say. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like me anymore and that’s not even the part that bothers me the most- he’s the type of guy who doesn’t wanna hurt anyone so he could be trying to spare my feelings. And we go back to school in less than a month and I don’t wanna be starting out the year with drama.

Anyways tell what you guys think and how you feel I should handle the situation. Feel free to ask questions, I’ll answer them the best I can. Thank you so much for for taking time out of your day to read a book about my problems lol. Please let me know in the comments. Thanks!