Unfair to my MIL?
So my MIL and I are friendly to each other, but we have a lot of very fundamental differences in our beliefs (religious and otherwise). We get along for the sake of family, but neither of us actually like the other. My MIL is never outwardly rude to me, but she makes a lot of comments that aren’t exactly kind and the subtext is always demeaning or rude to me or my family. She’s also a very dirty (not messy, dirty) person and isn’t helpful when she visits, just creates stress. I hate when her and my FIL visit, but I manage and put on a smile and be nice.
Well, my first baby is due next month. My parents are coming to stay a week before the due date to help me out (cooking, cleaning, holding the baby so I can shower, etc). They have plans to stay about a week after the baby is born. At some point during that week my siblings plan to visit as well, but they will stay at a hotel.
My husbands family lives out of town too. His mother is upset that she hasn’t been invited to stay. For one, we do not have another bedroom for her to stay in. She’d have to sleep on the couch, but due to her back she couldn’t actually sleep on the couch (my parents are sharing our guest room- they can’t both sleep on the couch!) Second, as I mentioned above we have a lot of issues and I don’t want the stress of her staying with us. And no she will not get a hotel unless we pay for it, and I’m not about to do that. She’s saying that she’s also a grandma so she has rights to see the baby. Which I understand, I’m not going to keep the baby from her. My husband and I are planning a trip to see them at some point so they can meet the baby (my husband knows how stressful her visits are for me so we’ve decided visiting them is easier on us). They are invited to come and visit the baby before that, but they cannot stay with us. So his mother is flipping out and saying stuff like she can take me to court to grandparent rights.
Am I really being that unfair to her? I have a very tight bond with my Mum and dad. When they visit they make mine and my husbands life easier. They’ll be helpful with a newborn. My MIL will be the total opposite and I don’t want to have to pretend to be happy she’s visiting right after giving birth. And if she visits, I’m the one that gets to entertain her not my newborn. So really she’s visiting me and not the baby. So I feel like it’s fair to say no right now. But maybe I’m wrong.
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