How to deal with parent divorce?

Ellie • 18 • sorta weird

Okay so for my whole life, my parents always had problems. My childhood revolved my brother and I hiding in our rooms as we could hear our parents yelling and hitting things downstairs. We even had to clean up broken glass cups my mum threw at my dad once after school. At first, I thought this was normal and that parents did these all the time. I thought that it wasn’t okay to cry and feel sad about my parent’s hurting relationship as they themselves were already so enraged and upset at each other. As I grew older, the fights got worse, my dad was kicked out several times out of the house and (this might sound weird) the topic of divorce finally came up in conversation with my brother and I. This isn’t in process yet as 1. We’re christian and I was brought up to think divorce is looked up upon as a sin and 2. My mum is too angry to talk and has stayed in her room all day and hasn’t talked to any of us. I honestly don’t know how to feel but all I know is that I have been crying myself to sleep for the past few nights and that everyone is mad at each other at home and I feel so lost and alone. I feel like I can’t talk to my friends about this because i’ve always been the one to listen and not really talk about problems and I don’t know if I can trust my friends as (sadly) some of them are backstabbing bitches so yea. I don’t know how to deal with it and I feel alone and tired and horrible and all my fear from my childhood has arisen and I am so lost. So TL;DR : I have troubles dealing with my parent’s marriage and potential divorce emotionally and I need help please.