TTC got me down.


Long story, but want to put it all out there.

I met my husband back in 2008. I was a senior in high school and had no plans to stay in my current state. I feel in love with him and decided to go to school here and everything was wonderful. I got on BC because we wanted to be safe. That is what began what I call my year of hell. I went from a somewhat normal period, to either bleeding to much, no period at all, and the already painful cramps doubled so much I was missing school and work left and right. That led to me loosing my job.

I talked to my doctor and all she kept saying was "give it a few more months it takes time to adjust."

After dating for a little over a year we got engaged. We sat down and had a long talk and decided that being on BC was not worth the pain it was putting me through and got off if it. We kind of were trying and kind of wasn't. My periods did not get any better sometimes they got worse. I bled for almost 6 months steadley at one point in time. I started going to doctors left and right when ever I could afford to. No one had an answer for my pain and problem. My regular doctor told me it was muscles spams since it happened sometimes when I wasn't on my period as well. I had one unpleasant obgyn tell me it was because I was fat and lazy and I wouldn't get better until I got off my butt and work off the 50 extra pounds I had put on. I had to drag my mom out of the office because she was ready to go back to jail trying to kill that guy.

After a year of being married my husband and I seriously started trying. We both had steady jobs, a good rent house and we felt it was time. For the next 5 years it was endless obgyns trying to find a good fit, unruly periods, negative tests, several friends having kids, and crying myself to sleep at night knowing it was me who couldn't give my loving husband the son he so wants.

April of 2016 my normal hurting triples. I can bearly walk through the pain, thankful at this point I am a stay at home wife so I don't have to worry about loosing a job over this. We start going to doctors again and I get told I have a cyst and need to have it removed but during the cat scan they see something else. The word cancer starts getting thrown around. Luckily I was able to finally find a wonderful obgyn during this process, she does the surgery, and everything turns out fine. No cancer but something else entirely. I finally have a name to put to my symptoms. Endometriosis.

Fast forward to this year. I am dealing with my condition the best I can. Two more years of trying and my period is going back to acting up sometimes for months at a time. No luck on the baby front and I am heartbroken. I talk to her about it and she suggests going on BC for a year to reset my period, and then going to a fertility doctor (we have been putting off going to one because my insurance does not cover anything to do with fertility) shortly after the year is done. I am 4 months into the year. My period is regular for the first time in over 10 years but I am miserable. I still have pain which doesn't bother me. I have had it since I was 14. I am used to that. What makes me miserable is I want more than anything to be still trying for our little JJ or Madison. Everytime I take my pill I feel like crying because that means I definitely won't get pregnant this month when that is all I want to be. I know in a year from now I will be at the doctor's, with the money we are putting back now to cover it, and I will be back on the path I want to be on. It is just days like today it seems so far away.

Thank you for reading my very long post! Needed to get all of that off of my chest to a set of ladies that will understand what I am feeling. Thank you again.