so please delete if not allowed.... 😁

One of my best friends wants to have a baby. Her and her wife (yes, lesbians. Lol.) have been married for JUST over a year now. They didn’t date for very long before getting engaged, and then they were married only a few months later (basically a year after they started dating they were married. the wedding was kinda a shit-show because they were both broke and didn’t have any extra money to spend on things. And I know that time together before getting engaged doesn’t necessarily matter, but it kinda pertains to some details in this story).

Probably not even 2 months after the wedding she texts me and says she’s seriously considering leaving her wife because she’s not happy with her life.

At the time, they were living in her MIL’s basement. MIL drinks and I believe does drugs, and always asked them (my friend and her wife (her daughter)) to do everything around the house, including always babysit her other daughter (wife’s younger sister, who is in a wheelchair and has SERIOUS attitude issues. hits, bites, screams, cries...) so that she could go out and party and then never come home until the sun came up.

Her wife was also not working and would just sleep ALL day, and didn’t care about getting work because they lived with her mom. She (the wife) also suffers from mental issues and seems to be in the hospital a lot because of them because she’ll not take her meds one day and go off the handle. She’d cry all the time when my friend would tell her to get off her ass and contribute to their life.

My friend is also the only one who drives because her wife doesn’t drive. So that’s a whole other set of issues and stress on her.

Fast forward to now... they do both have jobs and do not live with wife’s mom and sister anymore. They’re jobs aren’t the greatest, but it helps them pay the rent. She’s texted me multiple times in the last year, since the wedding, to ask to borrow money for gas or groceries. My friend is still the only one who can drive, so she has to drive to her own work and back, and also get her wife to work and pick her up.

So, about the whole they want a kid thing... obviously they can’t just get knocked up and have a kid like a husband and wife. But, they’re not ready for a kid. Borrowing money from anyone who’ll give it to them. Not a completely stable relationship, even though they’ve gotten better. Last week I talked to my friend and she told me that they found a guy on a dating app that agreed to be a sperm donor for them. So they wrote up a contract and then she started sleeping with the guy in order for them to try and get pregnant to have a kid. Needless to say they’re not doing that anymore because the guy backed out. And they keep spending money on things they don’t need and probably can’t afford, like tattoos and new pets and going out to dinners and shows...

They’re a lesbian couple who wants to have a baby... I just think that they should be saving as much as they can.

When I told her they should be waiting and saving money, and going about getting a donor properly... she just got mad and said “it’s all too expensive. we can’t afford that kind of stuff.” (i.e. sperm clinics etc etc..).. So that’s too expensive, but having a kid isn’t?? So you can just go spend money on everything and anything you want even though you don’t need it? (Neither of them get benefits at their jobs either, so they don’t have help paying for her wife’s medications or anything like that).

I just wish I could help her see that waiting would be the better option for them until they can get their life straightened out. I don’t tell her those things to piss her off, but she gets pissed off because it’s not what she wants to hear and I’m not agreeing with her. I have a kid, and I wouldn’t want her living with them as parents right now. I know they’d be good parents, but just not right now...