Trigger warning: I miscarried my first baby, I didn't even know I was pregnant. I knew deep down I was pregnant, I never try to get my hopes up. I was going to take a test, 3 days later, I end up getting my period, I was agonizing pain, in fact some of the worst pain I've ever experienced. I lost so much blood, I use the diva cup, and in one day on my normal period I only lose a cup of blood in one day, but I lost over 3 and a half cups of blood in one day, the next day I take the cup out to see, something I'll never forget, I couldn't stop looking, I just wanted it all to be okay. I wrote this poem for my baby, I still want to give my baby a gender neutral name, but I don't know how to tell my boyfriend that, I don't want to sound crazy. Anyways here is my poem:

It start off as something

I wanted so bad

A feeling I never had

It's nothing so I push it aside

Until the day I needed you by my side

I want you

I need you

I miss you

I didn't knew

How much I wish I had you

The time flew right by

I didn't even know you were alive

Until I had to say goodbye

Jealousy and envy get the best of me

Wanting something that is just not meant to be

You'll always be my angel