I was pregnant with our first child and had a wonderful, uncomplicated experience throughout the whole pregnancy. Baby girl was due to arrive around May 16th. My husband and I had been preparing for her birth by using the hypnobirthing methods of positive birth affirmations, relaxation, and visualization. “Birth is normal, natural and healthy,” I told myself. “My body and baby know exactly what to do.” We took a hypnobirthing class and hired our instructor to be our doula for the birth.

At 38 weeks the Dr ordered an ultrasound to check my level of amniotic fluid. During the ultrasound they found fluid levels were fine but made the surprising discovery that the baby had turned and was now breech (footling). She had been engaged after being transverse for a while, but somehow I never felt her turn out of position. A lump rose in my throat. How were we going to have the unmedicated, natural birth we were intending? My doctor recommended having a c-section the next day, but knowing we were wanting to go the natural route, he was ok with us taking some time to wait it out and try to get her to turn. If she could turn breech that late in the game, I thought, she could still turn back!

I did everything I could think of- I went to the chiropractor, did daily positioning exercises from Spinning Babies, ate spicy food- I even floated around and did handstands in the pool two days in a row! The baby wouldn’t budge.

We went back for my weekly appointment at 41 weeks with the baby still breech and again the doctor strongly recommended a c-section. I had no intentions of trying to deliver a footling breech baby, so a c-section was becoming a greater possibility in my mind for the way my baby would enter the world. I began preparing myself mentally for that outcome. “I am ready to calmly accept any turn my birthing may take.” At a previous appointment my doctor had mentioned the option of attempting an external cephalic version where he would try to turn the baby with his hands. I asked if he would still be willing to try this as a last resort and he said he was willing, but there was about a 10% chance of success.

So, at 41 weeks and 5 days of pregnancy, with no signs of labor, we checked into the hospital. It was Wednesday morning. My version was scheduled for 10:30 am and my c-section was scheduled for noon (if the version was unsuccessful). I went in accepting the strong probability that I would be having a c-section that day. I sent out the text, “We’re going to meet baby girl today!” to close friends and family. I knew whatever happened, we weren’t leaving the hospital without our baby.

I was admitted and instructed to only bring in my ID and insurance card. There was no need to bring in the hospital bag with everything I had packed for labor if I was having a c-section. I was prepped for the possible c-section and was then given a drug to relax the muscles in my uterus so that the doctor could manipulate the baby’s body and rotate her around into position. I was practicing my calm breathing. “I put all fear aside as I prepare for the birth of my baby.” The doctor entered with two nurses and an ultrasound machine to check the position of the baby. He assessed where she was and placed his hands on my stomach and began pressing and pushing. I focused on doing nothing and staying completely relaxed. Regulating my breathing and staying calm became more and more challenging as he dug his fingers into my abdomen, only pausing a time or two to assess the baby’s position with the ultrasound. He dug back in, kneading my bulging belly like dough that didn’t want to cooperate.

Bit by bit (in a matter of minutes where the clock seemed to freeze) she shifted and allowed him to tuck her head under, and sideways somersaulting slid her head into position. An ultrasound to check. A nod and “yep, she moved!” An immediate rush of emotion. Cheers of the other on-duty nurses who had gathered around to watch. I was overwhelmed with sobs of surprise, relief, and gratitude. I could not believe it. She had turned! The baby was monitored to make sure she fared well with the version, then we were transferred out of pre-op, the c-section was cancelled, and we were moved to a labor and delivery room. My husband brought in the bags and birthing ball from the car and we got settled in. It felt like a miracle to be in that room, but just a couple of hours in on that first day, our birth journey was only beginning.

Since the baby had not been engaged, my body hadn’t received the message that it was time to birth, so at first examination, my cervix was 0% effaced and 0 cm dilated. Induction was imminent. Going into it, my doctor understood that I was very wary of pitocin and feared what I perceived as the slippery slope that lead from pitocin, to epidural, to failure to progress, to c-section. So, he had assured me that if we used pitocin, it would be at the lowest dose and remain there unless we saw no progress.

But, before pitocin was needed to produce contractions to dilate my cervix, there was the 0% effacement (thinning) issue that had to be addressed. So, on Wednesday afternoon, we began the first of two 12-hour doses of Cervidil to get things started. I began to have contractions and used my relaxation and breathing techniques through what seemed like intense surges. We listened to relaxing music and I rehearsed my affirmations. My husband was fully present with me and was at the ready to support me throughout- rubbing my arm and holding me as we stood and swayed. Our doula massaged my lower back and pressed on pressure points in my feet to help my body increase the frequency of contractions. If this was just the beginning and it felt this intense, then what was it going to be like when I was *actually* in labor?

After 24 hours, the Cervidil had only gotten my cervix partially thinned, so the doctor recommended trying Cytotec to finish the job. My husband did some quick research, our doctor explained some of the risks, and we decided to try it. After more contracting, walking, sitting on the birthing ball, and intermittent monitoring, my cervix was finally fully effaced and dilated about a centimeter.

We had to keep moving, so on Thursday night, it was time for Pitocin. I took a shower and was hooked up to an IV and the fetal monitor. I would now need to be constantly monitored to make sure the baby remained stable. The dose stayed low overnight but my cervix was only dilated 5 cm after hours of working through contractions. The next step was to allow the doctor to rupture my membranes (break my water) to try to keep things moving. Now, Friday morning, I was finally in labor!

I was able to be on the wireless monitor and vary the positions I labored in. I stood and leaned against my husband, we walked up and down the hallway, I sat on the birthing ball as he applied counter-pressure to my hips, I squatted. We eventually upped the Pitocin to 5 micrograms per hour and my contractions started getting more intense and closer together. The nurse checked and my cervix was still only dilated 5 cm, but they had to decrease the dose of Pitocin because my contractions were coming too frequently.

What a relief- I was exhausted from lack of sleep and working through hour upon hour of contractions with little progress to show for it. But contractions kept coming with the lower dose and the nurse checked again. Still five centimeters. How had the hours gone by with no more progress? I was at the point where I thought I couldn’t continue and I couldn’t imagine weathering stronger contractions from the higher dose of Pitocin needed to get me to 10 centimeters. I finally requested an epidural Friday night and was able to get some rest.

Early Saturday morning before dawn I started experiencing more than just pressure that the nurse had told me to expect with the epidural. Contractions got more intense- I was feeling them again. The nurses offered to call the anesthesiologist to help with my pain, but thinking they were suggesting more medication in addition to the epidural, I said I didn’t want any more drugs. Meanwhile, the machine that administered the anesthesia for the epidural began beeping as it ran out. What I interpreted as an offer to get additional pain medication was actually a request for permission to continue my epidural, which I inadvertently declined.

(Continued in comments)