Just want a place to vent because I can't tell my family.

I've been on bc pills for just over 2 years and everything has been great, I've been taking them perfectly the whole time because I'm super paranoid and terrified of getting pregnant. I'm talking pill at 7am every morning, even placebo days. My periods been irregular but this is the latest it's ever been so I got blood work done today and against all odds I am 5-9 weeks pregnant.

I was scared to death to find out and now I'm scared to death of going through with an abortion but I know it needs to happen. I'm just not ready for a child. But knowing it's been in my body for that long and it's already developing a face and a heartbeat... it's an overwhelming feeling. I feel like it's going to haunt me for the rest of my life. I have to make this decision all alone (with the help of my boyfriend) - I can't tell my family or my coworkers so from here on out I'll be living a secret second life.

I'm scared and confused and I'm angry at myself and angry at my pills for letting me down.

I'm making an appointment tomorrow, wish me luck ladies. Does it get easier?