Do you think ultimatums are fair?

Question

Let me start out by saying this conversation happened over guns in the household. My SO is a born and bred California liberal. I am a born and bred southern conservative. To say we butt heads every once in a while is an understatement.
 
Well, last night, we got into it over guns in the household. He says there's no reason to have them
In the household because I have no intention of using them for protection. "There are children around. Why do you want to have that extra worry?" 
 
Now, my argument is, if I have a safe only I know the combo to, why do I have to store family heirlooms off site? I enjoy clay shooting, the guns are worth thousands, I'm not leaving loaded guns lying around. He's not annoying enough I'm going to snap and murder him. His kids aren't going to get ahold of them, even if they do, they're disassembled (over under shot guns), the ammo is stored in a seperate safe........what other precautions can one take? If his kid is determined enough to figure out two seperate 8 digit codes, assemble the gun, and go on a spree with a double barrel shot gun......well, no offense, but they were going to with or without my guns.
 
I grew up with a great respect for guns and gun safety. There were always guns in the house and we never went looking for them. My folks threatened us properly enough that we weren't morons. "If you ever load a gun in my house, you won't have to worry about accidentally shooting yourself, I'll make sure to kill you myself."
 
Point of my story is, is it fair for him to say "absolutely tricking not, no way in hell" without even taking into account my side? Are ultimatums ever fair? I feel like I am being bullied into his way to keep the peace.

Answer

Has he ever accompanied you to the range or clay shooting? Usually people are against things they fear... Maybe handling and firing a gun will help alleviate some of that negativity towards the guns. I mean, if you're considering giving up your guns at home for him, he should consider actually learning more about them for you.

Answer

I am also from a home with guns, I was also taught great respect for them.  Though my husband does not hunt we also keep a gun, mostly for rodents and pests.  If he is unwilling to consider, or even discuss the point, this maybe unfair, but there is little you can do.  think long and hard, it sounds like you may need to choose between your hobby or your SO.

Answer

My husband and I both have a gun. And we have a shotgun in the house. Yes, they are safely locked away, and are out of reach to children. They are also disassembled, and the clips are completely empty. My children will know how to use a gun when they are old enough, and understand that this object is VERY dangerous. They will know to never point a gun at anyone until that person is threatening their life, or physically hurting them. He should take your side into consideration.

Answer

He shouldn't just tell you no and that it has to be his way. I don't have a problem with guns, but I don't want my toddler around them. They stay in the gun safe unloaded. My husband is careful when handling them.. If you're being safe, then he's being unfair.

Answer

I think you should come to a compromise. Keep your guns, because they are clearly important to you. But it seems that it's important to him not to have them in yours and his home. Is there somewhere else that they can be kept that you can still get to them when you want to use them? I know that's not exactly what you want, but it's also not getting rid of them completely.

My husband and I have had this argument. I don't like guns, at all. He loves them, has two. I don't feel comfortable with them in our home but he refuses to let up bc he wants them for protection. We haven't found a good compromise for us but I really hope you do. Just remember to keep what he says in mind, you both have valid arguments and points.

Answer

Well, there's a lot there. Ultimately I agree about you on guns but that's beside the point (I hope people won't use this to tell you you are wrong for your beliefs). I think ultimatums are not fair. But the bigger issue is do you let your husband have the final say. If so, go with what he says and he is responsible to protect your family or deal with the consequences, and you'd have to be okay with that. But if your husband doesn't have the final say, you might have to come to a compromise of some sort. Maybe ask that if he won't allow guns, how does he plan to keep the family safe... And have a conversation from there? Sorry, it is hard to disagree on big issues!

Answer

There are no circumstances ever where i would accept guns in my home. Especially with my children being around. I would leave my partner before I let it happen. I think some people just feel really strongly on such an emotive subject. Maybe it comes down to who feels their point of view strongest?

Answer

He needs to be better Educated on guns! That's usually the biggest problem with people like that.. They don't know enough about them

Do you think ultimatums are fair?

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