Self Love issues

I’ve been told I was ugly for as long as I could remember. When my mother wasn’t beating me, she was reminding me of my every flaw (even when I got my period and how she would say it was burden to buy pads and disgusting). I am super conservative with my body because if I wore a tank top I was automatically called a whore, hoe, bitch, or something of that variation even though I was a virgin. I even stayed a virgin until I was 21 and have only been with my now husband. I just can’t shake the voice in my head that agrees with my mom. It’s literally all I’ve been told and when I tell my husband I would like more compliments he thinks that I want him to be up my ass when I don’t. I’m just trying to find a positive voice in my head after years of someone telling me everything that was wrong with me. I want to love myself but it’s so hard because I see nothing worth loving and only what needs fixing. It’s like I’m constantly trying to lose weight and get skinnier and try to be pretty. I’ve attempted closure with my toxic mother but it’s been unsuccessful and she will deny everything she has done. I do not see to her anymore and we barely even speak. I need to find the peace within myself and I just don’t know where to start.