Is it really my fault?

I’ve never done this about exposing my life on social media or to anyone really. I’d like some advice.

I was sexually molested when I was little many times. I was just recently sexually her tased at work. I reported it and I told my boyfriend about it. He blamed me because I “lead them on”. He says that because I’m nice and sometimes when I get nervous I laugh or giggle. We had a big argument about it and he wants me to change.

Also I sometimes forget things we talked about before. I deal with bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, PTSD and ADD. I can’t take anymore. I feel like I’ve gone brought so much and I’m still processing and no one understands me. I really wish I had he strength to commit suicide. I want to end it all. I still miss my baby. I had a miscarriage and it was my first. It’s a horrible experience and he was not there for me. I feel like he just complains and asks me to change but he doesn’t accept me for who I am and I’ve changed so much while having to deal with all this that I don’t recognize myself anymore.