My worst fear seems to be coming true

So this will be a long one but I feel like maybe if I write it out, it will me someway somehow help me.

I’ll start off by saying that I have two wonderful boys 5 and 2 years old and I absolutely love being a mom to these two.💙💙

In October 2016, I found out I was expecting again and we were ecstatic... Sadly... I had a very early miscarriage at 5 weeks. I had never experienced this before and had only heard and read about so miscarrying honestly never crossed my mind until one Sunday morning I saw nothing but blood when I went to the restroom and rushed to the ER and it was confirmed that I was miscarrying. It was a tough experience and it was always on my mind.

Now in January 2017, my husband was diagnosed with testicular cancer and had to have a testicle removed and went through chemo and appointments every month. It was such a terrifying experience but our faith got us through. In January 2018 he was officially cancer free and his scans have been normal since. The Dr said that we would be able to have more children it just might take more time.

We continued to try with no luck. So in June we decided to stop trying and I was coming to terms with miscarrying two years ago and I felt closure at last. Then in July when my period didn’t come, i didn’t think nothing of it since sometimes I’m late a couple days however it had been 5 days and still nothing and I was feeling nauseous and super bloated and tender breasts. So I decided to take a pregnancy test just to rule that out and then that’s when I got a BFP. I took multiple tests because we were in disbelief. We saw it as our light at the end of the tunnel, our rainbow baby. With this pregnancy the fear of miscarrying was very present for me however I tried to stay positive however everyone I went to the restroom, I was afraid that I would see blood. This Friday morning, I saw blood not a lot as the first one but it was still blood. I automatically started to cry and scream No, please God not again...

We went to the ER, my blood test results were still positive however the vaginal ultrasound didn’t show anything except that my cervix was thickening. There was no sign of a baby. Dr said that maybe it’s just too early but I was a wreck when he said it looks like a sign of a miscarriage. I have to do a follow up appointment to see what my levels are but I continue to bleed off and on and all my hope is gone. This is heartbreaking and shattering. This is really putting my faith to test. Why would God allow this joy to come into our lives to only take it away again. We’ve had a tough couple of years and now it seems like it is yet another hardship. I’m not sure how to overcome this. I’m trying to be strong for my husband and my boys but I literally feel broken inside. 💔