he breaks my heart

Amz

hi ladies.... I havent got anyone to talk to...... I'm not one of those chicks..... I'm just having a rough time...... I need an ear...... someone who understands...... hubby and I have been TTC for 7 months..... we only have sex maybe once a week..... he jerks off every single morning and he asks for a BJ every single night..... I know it's a guy thing but it hurts me.... he chooses his hand over me every day. TTC aside he makes me feel like I'm the last option..... like he only has sex with me because it's his obligation as a husband..... and what breaks my heart more is that the past 2 times hes gone soft and I have to finish him off with another BJ. we have had discussion after discussion after arguement over it and he tells me not to take it away from him.... it will make him hate me. but it's a gut wrenching feeling knowing he prefers his hand and porn over his wife. I dont know what to do, or who to talk to... i cant talk to him about it anymore... it just makes me look like that chick everyone hates because she dowant let her man jerk off with is not the case..... I just what a bit of balance. I dont know what to do anymore......