I didn’t even realize that I just matched with my sisters high school crush that I don’t really think liked her but she was really into and still talks about often. They’re 28 and I’m 22 years old, I don’t think he recognizes me since we only met once and I think I was in middle school then, I look completely different now obviously.

My sister and I don’t really talk about guys or emotions at all, since all she did was tell on me when we were kids and judge me hardcore I pretty much shut myself down with her and expressing emotions in generally and I just confide in friends and my mom. I’ll try to girl talk her and she’ll just be silent and give me that what the fuck is wrong with you look and proceed to tell everything to our mom who already knows and tells me all she does is tell her things I say to her in confidence.

My mom was the one who found that trait of hers unbecoming and even stressed that she avoids talking about men or anything of personal emotion to her too. She flipped out on my mom when she started seeing a new man and he took her as a date to a wedding. It’s almost like she wants everyone to remain single, wants to know what you’re doing and even goes a step further going into your personal things or phone but won’t open her mouth about anything going on, on her end.

She tells everyone she’s still a virgin yet a party when I was still underage and I couldn’t drink but she could in a game of “Never have I ever” she claims she’s had sex in her car at work when she thought I was listening. But when it came out I lost my virginity in high school I was given the silent judgement treatment, I could feel the judgement pulsing from her and I was more ashamed because of her than I was with my mom. I’m going to make a in depth post about my sister and not having the relationship sisters normally would have and mourning what we will probably never have.

Telling her is going to be extremely weird and mentioning it him is going to be even weirder cause he obviously right swiped me awhile ago. Even worse part is that he looks sooooooooooo damn fine 😫