Am I failing

I had my baby few months before. I’m Masters student. I want to head to PhD school and I’m applying for it. I don’t know all so sudden, I feel like I’m a failure. We brought my parents ( we paid everything) to watch our baby. But, they left due to health issues. Breastfeeding wasn’t successful either. Then, we brought his parents (we paid everything for flights and stuff) . But, she has really poor hygiene( I stopped eating at my own house) and I’m always worried leaving my kid to them. I saw them shaking the baby once and using rattle vigorously when my baby was crying already. It broke my heart. I don’t cook much due to my kitchen and my house is absolute mess. I’m keeping my baby’s stuff in my room. I’m in my own house with no privacy. Husband is trying to help. But at some point, he is busy with his own work. I’m not eating well. I’m huge as well. Now, what am I doing? When I look at my other friends, they’re already in the PhD. Where as me, trying to digest with my in laws doing. Worried about my baby and my husband is being selfish.