He has humiliated me and lies to me about all of it. For years, I have known about sexual natured conversations with other women. But I thought it was over. We had, what I thought, was a life changing upsetting conversation a few months ago(right before we found out we’re pregnant after many many years of trying)and I thought it was over then. I confronted him about everything. Used the words “emotional affair”. Really, I think that’s what it has been, never physical. But isn’t it worse? Don’t they all start there and become a “it was a mistake, it didn’t mean anything” story?

He is sweet and shows me he doesn’t want to hurt me and wants to take care of me. But behind all of that, I know this has happened, always. It has happened multiple times now. Obviously it won’t end. I have no other family, we have been married for 18 years and have our first child due in mid-September.

It involves women that he has met in person, gets their phone numbers and then it leads on from there. He deleted all of the many women’s numbers he had collected, but recently started collecting new numbers again. They will text back and forth. I don’t know if it is anything more.

It hurts worse this time. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I really thought it was over. I don’t want this pain anymore and don’t know what to do. I told myself before that if he did this again, I wouldn’t let it hurt me like before. It would just have to tear him up inside. Which it seems to do. But then he does it again and again. Why?

I had been finding pictures of women that he takes of them without them knowing. Then the phone numbers starting appearing again. Now the text conversations. Sexual conversations and maybe phone calls. Maybe meeting in person, I don’t know.

He says I make myself feel worse with negative thoughts. But that was before he know I had found and read just this one text conversation. I probably shouldn’t snoop in his phone, but he has done this before. Maybe I should just accept it. It is what it is. I just don’t know... 😭

Sorry for my rambling, I just don’t have anyone to talk to about this, so I appreciate a setting like this where I can get it out. Thanks for listening.