So I am 18 turning 19 this year. Last year I was pregnant and only 17. I was in my senior year planning ongoing to college. My boyfriend I’ve been with for 2 years and we have a pretty good relationship. So I started to think I was sick because I kept getting sick every single morning before school but had no thought I could be pregnant because I was on the pill. Fast forward a month and I go to the doctor and find out I’m 4-6 weeks pregnant. Now I got kicked out of my mothers and was living at my grandmothers house. So I did the right thing and told her. I told my boyfriend and his first sentence was your getting an abortion right? No one supported me, I have depression and anxiety followed by some bipolar issues. I was constant being told I’d kill my baby and I’d be the worst mother ever. Mind you my mom had me at 17. It got to the point where no one would let me stay anywhere and I was going to be homeless and have to drop out of high school. My boyfriends parents thought I had gotten pregnant on purpose to trap him, which I wasn’t. I just broke and no one would drive me anywhere unless it was planned parenthood. My grandma stopped driving me to school. I was lost, alone, and broken. I was terrified and that led me to make the worst decision of my life. I had the abortion and now I have sever ptsd. It’s been a year and I still cry when I find out someone I know is pregnant. I loved my baby from the moment I knew about it. I wanted my baby so badly and I was manipulated into thinking I’d kill my child. I can’t get over the choice I made and it affects me everyday of my life. All I want is my baby back and they are gone. I just can’t get over the fact that I willingly chose to terminate my child. All I want is to have a baby because I feel the need to have one. I have this overwhelming urge to have a child and I don’t know what to do with that. I’m not sure if that is normal or not. But my boyfriend doesn’t want a child for awhile and I don’t know if I’m okay with that.

Edit: I forgot to mention after the abortion planned Parenthood made me look at my baby after it happened. So the image of my child torn apart is burned into my brain