I really didn't want my period to start this week. I thought this was the month I would get pregnant again. I had an ectopic in May. My partner and I aren't "actively" trying, just letting whatever will happen, happen. I told him when it was my fertile week because although I want a baby with all my heart, I also don't want a baby because I'm scared of another heartbreak and I feel like I don't deserve a baby. I told him not to have sex with me because I didn't want him to get me pregnant but he knows what I truly want and we bd'ed multiple times in my fertile period. It still wasn't enough. I really hoped I wouldn't get my period this month. I thought this would be it. Thank goodness for wine though.