Wow, yep, that was me!!! Was depressed and didn’t realize it! I didn’t realize how much I had isolated myself from my family, friends, even my husband. I was so upset about not being pregnant I didn’t want to go anywhere, or even fix myself up half the time! I would only dress up to go to “church” because I’m the worshipper leader. You may ask how is it that a worship leader can be depressed? It comes from years and years of not getting the results I FELT I needed. It took ONE ☝️ BFN and I was done! I had experienced so many disappointments in life I felt like this was just something to add to the list ya know?

Ever been through so much you felt like you would NEVER get a yes? Man......After having to add the BFN to the list, I went into a slump. A state of depression. I was encouraging everyone else but myself. I wished “great” things on everyone else but ME!!

At one point I wanted to TAKE MY OWN LIFE! Yeah, it actually did get that bad. I allowed others happiness of having a child, getting a new car, a new home etc etc get in the way of me actually knowing I am blessed too! Actually my jealousy turned into depression if I can be real.

I was jealous of the next person seeming like they ALWAYS get a yes and here it is IM struggling! I’m serving God, but I’m struggling. Going to church every Sunday but IM struggling. Even going to Bible Study but I’m struggling.

It was my negative thoughts that got the best of me! I had to sit back and write down ALL the things I am blessed with! After I finished I had no idea I was so blessed! I had to realize I may not have what I want but I have exactly what I need and at the right time God is going to bless me with what I want.

Could it be that maybe I wasn’t mature enough to handle it? That could be the answer!

I can honestly say, even being in church and serving God we sometimes have to take a step back and check our own selves!!!

I feel like if I wouldn’t have taken the initiative to write down my blessings I wouldn’t be here today! I wanted to give up and throw in every towel I owned. I really hope someone can relate to this message. It’s not all pretty and grand but this is who I am....love me or leave me, I’m STILL working on a better me..... #notperfect