Husband goes on Bachelor party to strip club?!!

Question

So my husband is the best man at a wedding this fall. They went to a strip club for the last part of the bachelor party. He got a lap dance. Awesome. 
I am so upset and disappointed in him. 
He is a wonderful husband and father to our 2 year old and we are expecting our second son December this year. 
I am trying to move past it. He is sorry he hurt me.. he didn’t realize it would make me so upset. He swears he will never go back. 
I am just disgusted with that type of behavior. I don’t think happily married people should be in places like that. I was beyond pissed initially but we have moved forward. 
Am I nuts for being so pissed? I was like beyond angry!! Is it really no big deal? 
What are your thoughts?

Answer

Hmmm.  So for ME I wouldn’t be as upset, especially if he told me.
 
BUT - I feel that if this bothers you and he didn’t realize it would (and perhaps you didn’t know either until it happened), this is definitely something you both need to talk about.  It sounds like a somewhat innocent mistake on his part, so I would try to be somewhat forgiving while also letting him know that this upsets you and that you do not think it is a place he should go if happily married.
 
To put things in perspective - I had a friend who worked at a strip club and she was adamant in arguing that if men are going to “cheat”, it isn’t going to be at a strip club.  Most strippers have a strict contract that prohibit further relations with patrons, and definitely NOT on site.  Men can easily go through other means (like online dating sites, LIVE porn sites, even BARS), and easily hook up with women there faster and more efficiently than a strip club.
 
This being said... the fact that it bothered you so much still warrants a conversation between you two.  He was there for a party, seemingly NOT solo with the intention to cheat.  Just let him know that in the future you would prefer he refrain from such activities.

Answer

What did you think would happen if he went to a strip club FOR A BACHELOR party??

Answer

I'd consider you a bit nuts. He's the best man so he is sort of obligated to do the bachelor party if that's what the groom wants. It's part of being the best man. It's a special occasion with special circumstances. Not like he went on a Saturday night for shits and giggles. Relax.

Answer

If they were at a restaurant and a girl started humping my husband's lap....ummm no, I wouldn't be okay with it. I don't understand why some people are fine with it just because it's happening at a different venue and they're giving the girl money to do it. I would let it go since he told you about it and said it won't happen again. But I am on the same page with you that it's not something I'd be okay with.

Answer

Was this a boundary that you discussed beforehand?

Answer

I dont understand how people find that acceptable... What's the difference in a lap dance from some naked girl at a strip club than anywhere else? Wherever, or from who ever, if it's not from your wife... what makes this ok? I dont agree with that sort of entertainment. You have every right to feel like you do. I mean, just because certain things are 'legal', doesnt make them ok or appropriate u know? 
I'd definitely talk to him and let him know that's not ok with you. I'm sure he will understand.

Answer

Strip clubs are not okay with me even in the least bit. However, I have made that very clear with my husband from the get go. I’m not sure what eeks me so much  about them, but I would livid if my husband even went to one. And got a lap dance?? Oh helll no!!

Answer

I feel like it depends on the person. Lots of people don't have an issue with it. My husband knows I would be hurt (it was a part of a discussion we had well before marriage) so he has bypassed that part of the night at his friend's bachelor parties. I totally understand you feeling hurt but if you guys didn't have the conversation beforehand then I feel like you should really try to move past it and be forgiving. Easier said than done, I know.

Answer

For me its not necessarily an issue but everyone has their own boundaries with things. Granted maybe I feel this way only because my husband has gone to a strip club for a bachelor party and quickly discovered he wasn’t down for it but I would be pissed if he did cross a boundary I had discussed with him beforehand.

Answer

You have to ask yourself is he sorry that he got caught or sorry for his actions and is he the type of man that asks for forgiveness or for permission

Husband goes on Bachelor party to strip club?!!

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey